Lost in a fog

I feel lost in a dense fog. Ive had two rounds of ect treatment. My short term memory is shot at the moment. I dont know if i feel better. My psychiatrist thinks I'm alot better. I find myself wishing i wasnt here. Its all too hard. With more of the same to come. Really what is there to look forward to? I have to change psychiatrist right at a time i thought i was making a break through. Start all over again. Is it going to take me another three years to build up enough trust to make head way? It feels daunting, overwhelming. I only have four sessions left and i have to make the very best of them somehow without withdrawing into myself. I guess if it comes to it, i can send him an email before my session. Ive done that before and it has worked well. It helps break the ice, and opens the conversation. So much to say, but i dont know how to say it.This just never seems to stop The story of my life finally let someone in only to lose them.