Dark place

I want to switch everything off....Ive really had enough now. Sensory overload all effin day and thoughts racing through my mind asif I'm starring at cars passing on a motorway. Urges are like itches. They need to be scratched. Can't help but visit the dark sides of my mind.

I know you're all probably wonder what brought me to this....I did write a paragraph out but I deleted it because I'm scared, even if it is anonymous. Let's just say life has been and is cruel.

If I sleep....I wake up and instantly don't want to be here. It is with me all day. I see really bad f*cked up things as if I can see myself in the future. I don't want to be like this and I didn't ask to be like this but I am. I don't see a future for me and the end is closing in. It doesn't matter if I am here. I have no purpose, it's like im just life's punch bag. My anxiety is high. My head hurts a lot. I can't do this and I want out....the darkness in my mind has only gotten darker. And yes it is scary because I already know what I am capable of. I have carefully thought it out.

I am getting no support and I am one of those who has/is falling though the gaps. If I believed I could get help somewhere like the hospital, I would go. But they don't want to help me and have proven that to me. And yes I've tried other places than the hospital. It's no use.

I try to read what everyone writes on their posts and I can relate to a lot of it . But because it's all so negative in my head, it isn't appropriate for me to comment. Im probably going to get banned for this but f it, what do I have to loose....