ChrisSenior Contributor
A life full of mental illness
Well it goes right back into childhood.Be seen and not heard was a common held belief.Disfuctional family life. A mother with mental illness,but not recognised at that time.Emotional and sexual abuse. I developed anxiety around the age of seven. By the age of 14 the anxiety was much worse, and depression set in.At the age of 18, I left my home country to escape what was happening at home.didn't last long they followed me to Australia only two years later.I married and started my own family. I was determined my children would grow up differently.Then the wheels really started to fall off.My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was devastate.I buried my pain for years.But it caught up with me by way of becoming agoraphobic and extremely depressed.It was around this time that I was hospitalised for the first time. Ive lost count of how many times I"ve been in hospital.There have been numerous suicide attempts.About eight years ago I was diagnosed with Bi Polar.Its never sat well with me. But about two years ago I was in a different hospital, with a new psychiatrist, and he explained it clearer to me.Its Bi Polar 3 (there are 15 on the scale) something I never knew.I have lots of lows and no highs.There is the constant general anxiety as well as social phobia. I find it very hard to be around people, and socially interact.And this includes my immediate family
As time goes by, I find it a constant daily struggle I am so tired of it..I have no motivation. Ive puta lot of hard work into therapy over the years. More recently I have been in DBT. I have found this helpful. What keeps me holding on? My sixteen year old granddaughter. I couldn't hurt her that way by ending it all.So I try to take it one day at a time,sometimes its minute by minute.Just how it is!
