Life with Bipolar 2

I’m not doing very well at all @Former-Member. But I guess this too will pass eventually. At the moment I only see one way out of it. I have been here before and made it through so I guess I will come out the other side again.

Of course I don’t mind the tag. I’m happy to help anyone if I can. Anything to make someone’s life easier even if it’s just a little.

@Greengirl

There is a lot of uncertainty with any mental illness, having BP2 w/psychotic features myself Im not sure what mood Ill be in at any given time. For me Im not sure if I am going to randomly hallucinate etc. Thing is you do get used to it, the uncertainty and you have to remember you have been dealing with it a lot longer than you have been diagnosed. Just because you were diagnosed a year ago doesnt mean you didnt suffer from it for years before hand.

There is a lot of effort that goes into appearing to be ok, especially at work and that can be hard, Im quite honest about my illness, most co-workers know either as Ive told them or through gossip. My managers know, some stuff I tell my 2up only and its kept confidential but I have a very understanding and inclusive employer, so I wouldnt just blab to anyone. It does help? that I had a brief psychotic episode while working there so I figure most know I have a serious illness anyhow.

Appearing ok in front of family is harder I think, because you dont want them to worry. To be honest that skill will come in time and become second nature because your questioning yourself you dont need others doing the same for you and its just easier to look the part.

Find an outlet where your state of mind doesnt matter. Mine is on here, I can say and be what I feel at the time, there is minimal cencorship and so long as Im respectful of others there isnt really an issue.

BP2 sucks, having to hide a big part of you sucks, not having people who actually understand you sucks and Im sorry that you got caught up in this but there are ways to make it easier and you will learn them. I manage to hold down a good job within a big 4 bank, Im 43 however and live at home cause I cant live on my own, partially BP2, partially other disabilities but it works for me. Your new to this and I think quite young so dont let the pressure get on top of you, one step at a time and learn as you go along. There are a few people with BP2 on here and am positive they and I are willing to put our 2 cents in if you need it

Hi @Greengirl.

Firstly welcome to the forums! I hope you find support on here like I have. I found having a browse around helped me navigate how it works. It is so brave of you to reach out and share your story.

If you put an ‘@‘ in front of someone’s user name they will get notification that you have replied for example @Captain24.

I too struggled with my MH since high school and hid it. I didn’t know what was wrong. I was always labeled as shy and moody. Through out my adult years I was told I ‘just’ had depression and everyone feels like that at times.

Move on to the May last year and I went hypomanic and did some things I regret. From there I went into the deepest depression I have ever had and came close to ending my life. I finally seen a new GP in July. I felt heard for the first time. She put me in touch with the local MH team at the hospital. It has been the best thing. I got a Case Manager and she listened. Through her I for a psychiatrist and was finally diagnosed with BP2 GAD and social anxiety. It answered so much of my life. So it’s only a relatively new diagnosis.

I still have many ups and downs until we find the right cocktail of medications. We are just not there yet.

I also constantly over focus on my moods. My CM is always at me for overthinking. When I’m in a happy mood I run with it and let myself enjoy it. When I’m in a stable mood, which lately is not often, I try to hold onto it and try to not over think it. Depressive and mixed episodes is a while other story though.

Through all of this I have continued to work. Last year I had a little time off due to appointments but I had never called in sick. I had my first ‘MH day’ in February. I just couldn’t face it.

I find the routine of getting ready and going to work quite helpful. I focus on only the routine and don’t think about my mood. Once at work I do my best to focus on the task at hand. With my job, however I spend a lot of time on my own and I do struggle with my thoughts and have trouble getting out of my own head.

My main focus at work is that I will lose everything if I lose my job. I have a mortgage to pay and as I’m on my own I don’t want to lose my house. So I have set my work goal to pay off my mortgage.

Im not sure of your job but is there anyway you can readjust your thoughts into focusing on what you are doing. I’ve become so good at masking while at work (most of the time). It is can be very exhausting and when I come home I am usually so tired.

My family and most people don’t know about my illness and I can’t tell them. They will judge me. So I have learnt to control myself around others. Sometimes this actually helps to readjust my mood. When I am then on my own I can just be me and whatever my mood is. That’s when the overthinking starts but I am slowly learning to limit it.

Im not sure if I have helped in anyway. But just know you are not alone. Feel free to keep asking questions.

Sorry for the long post.

I love your posts @ClockFace.

I get a lot out of them and you are so much better at explaining than I am!

I am 45 and was diagnosed at 45. So while I have lived with this my whole life I now appreciate the diagnosis to understand my life. I hold down a coal mining job. My immediate bosses and HR know about my condition as well. They have mostly been supportive.

@Captain24 @Greengirl

I was diagnosed at 32 after a Brief Psychotic Episode, Im 43 now. So similar diagnosed late in life by the normal standard and it explained a lot. I got OCD, Anxiety and Depression too, though I dont understand a diagnosis of depression and BP2 because so much of BP2 is Depression. But being diagnosed with OCD and Anxiety more confirmed the existance of the illness it wasnt the start of the illness it just confirmed it and allowed for me to receive treatment. The name isnt really for us its for the doctors, so when we move between doctors etc they have a base level understanding of our symptoms and how to work with us.

I post a lot so there is a fair bit of crap too lol. But it is nice to know its helping people

Hi, @Greengirl

I too suffer from Bipolar 2 and was only diagnosed 2 years ago. The struggle to have my actions not affect others especially those around me like previous partners and close friends and family can be crippling at times. The few family members that I talk to are understanding of my condition and as such forgive me easily (which is hard to find from people) when I need it. It is also difficult to ask for help when you are feeling this way because of the risk of judgment. It is hard. I am currently staying in the hospital as my life has yet again fallen apart due to too much stress on myself to meet the demands of everyday life - including what I feel people expect from me. Trying to manage a life of any degree with a crippling psychiatric condition feels almost impossible at times. I did my best to remove toxic people from my life (like my parents and other people who were not understanding) and I found that also it can be isolating at first, having a smaller group of decent people around you is far more rewarding than having heaps of shallow relationships - in my case anyway.

In conclusion, I would say that it is impossible for ANYONE - psychiatric condition or not - to not affect those around you. I found that where there are things that you can't change such as having a mental illness if you have the right people around you and are genuine (apologise and communicate as best as you can) when you feel things have gone out of hand it can really help your road to recovery.

You are definitely not alone with this. It is definitely hard to let people in, but if they truly care/love you then they will forgive you/understand. It also helps to educate them on what your condition is so that they can support you moving forward. I hope this might help you in some way. Here if you need.

@Former-Member @Captain24

Getting there. Just got diagnosed withh Complex PTSD. Has thrown me a bit of a curve ball.

Sorry about the added diagnosis @ClockFace. I hope you can come to terms with it soon.

Im not doing well @Former-Member @ClockFace. I’m in one of those BP2 depressive episodes. I’ve been in it for a couple of weeks. So sorry I’m not much company.

@Captain24

BP2 Folks get that one. Ive been stuck in it a while too

@Former-Member

Im a little messed up by it. Its like there is nothing left of me that is just me, its all Mental Health or corrupted by Mental Health. I dunno, still trying to wrap my head around it.