It's been a while since you posted this, so I am unsure whether you have had any help in the real world since your message. I can relate to this on a similar level, my mother having been sectioned 8 week ago. She constantly tells my father that she wants a divorce if he doesn't get her out, but then in the next breath calls him "her dad", to then be paranoid, out of control, aggressive and uncooperative with everyone that goes near her.
She has had many tests, EEGs, scans, the ink to the brain thing (don't know the name) to show up any anomalies ... all negative. She doesnt have Alzheimer's, bi-polar, Parkinson's, epilepsy and actually rates well on the depression scale. She cuts my dad off, pretends to be sleeping when he visits and just is downright childish and sometimes I think to myself "Dad, cut your losses" because I'm so angry with her, for her outcomes in life which are very self-inflicted, BUT I know it's a mental health issue and that is the real hard part of it. Like you, how does someone deal with that?
I just thought I'd reach out, not so much with any groundbreaking advice, but more so with a friendly "I get you" message. No-one seems to have the answers, just different dosages of medications and often sedating to keep things calm. My dad, like you, is on a roller coaster of "Is this real? Have I lost her? Will she come back? If there's nothing medically wrong, then why? Should I walk away?".
I feel for you and sympathise with your situation. I really hope you get some answers and more so, get some connection back to your spouse in some way or form.
