goldenretrieverNew Contributor
Pressure
Sometimes I feel like a struggle with so much self-asserted pressure. My academics, my social relations, family relations, sport, and health. I feel as if I am not overachieving in my studies then I am failing. Honestly, I don't believe I will ever be good enough. I find that when I do not compete well enough at school it makes me short-tempered with my family, especially my mother who is a teacher. When I am in the right headspace, I can once again see she only ever supports me. But at the moment, my brain twists and distorts things to make me feel as if I am alone, and pathetic, that I will measure up to nothing as life goes on, and this is only a reflected thought in those around me. I have the pressure to be the perfect older sister, for two girls I love more than myself. I protect them from things in the family they shouldn't have to witness, and I go out of my way to ensure they can be happy when I am not. This isn't to say I think that I put them before myself. Because most of the time I am an empowered, agent feminist that preaches self-love. And most of the time I do love myself. I suppose that when I am judged by professors and teachers that kicks my regard for myself a little and things become unstable.
I want to be able to balance pressure. I think having standards and drive is healthy, I just know that not being able to reach them sometimes shouldn't send me into such an unhealthy, and rapidly deteriorating mental state. One that scares me as to its violence sometimes. How would people recommend finding this balance? How can I improve my mental defenses?
