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partner trying so hard to get help!!!

kikiContributor02 Nov 2016, 2:56 pm AEDT

partner trying so hard to get help!!!

hi everyone,

my partner is in his late 30s and has really struggled with a lot of issues including addiction which he is well over. since we got together 2 years ago he has had to leave work due to a breakdown, the workplace was straw that broke camels back.
since then we have seen several GPs (now have a good local consistent one) and have finally found what seems to be a great and reliable psychiatrist.
he has been referred to some other psych for $1000/4-5 hours of some kind of testing that will apparently lead to a firm diagnosis. he is also being referred to an adult adhd psych as we both believe this is his main issue along with multiple co-morbidities.
he is the absolute love of my life (thankfully neither of us havenor want kids!) and i work so we have a reasonable income and good savingd and no debt.
he is very kind and gentle and sensitive but does get a bit ragey at certain situations and is frustrated at not getting effective treatment yet.
i am very hopeful that new psych is going to help us a lot.
i dont have many people i feel i can talk to about all this so that is why i have joined the forum.
i have read many other threads and feel like lots of others are in a similar situation but even worse.
thank you for reading!!

26 replies

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In response to: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Unknown userMember02 Nov 2016, 8:36 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

HI @kiki, welcome to the Forums. You're right, it can be hard to talk about these issues in the 'real' world. Kind of crazy as there's not much more important than our health. But the Forums are certainly a place where you can lay it out and get support.

Getting the right treatment team around you is really critical and it sounds like you're reaching that point. Hopefully your partner's anger will reduce once there is a clear diagnosis and access to effective treatment. Or at least become part of the treatment so he learns to manage it better.

Maybe @Shaz51 or @Faith-and-Hope will drop by when they have a minute. They are both caring for husbands with a MI. Please also drop into the hot chocolate thread here to say hello as you'll be amongst friends. And virtual hot drinks 🙂

How are you finding things kiki? Lot's of talk about your partner, and what sounds like a very loving relationship, but not much about how it impacts on you.

In response to: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

kikiContributor02 Nov 2016, 9:10 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

thanks suzanne ☺ well i find it hard sometimes. i think it all does have a big impact on me but i also feel kind of confused!! mr kiki realises it is all a pretty big deal and i know he appreciates me but sometimes i feel a bit resentful i think, that our whole lives are really focused around his illness/es.
my sister died this year too which was and is super horrific. it was cancer but she also had mental illnesses. so mental illness seems kind of normal to me i think?
but its tiring and i just wish he could be better so we can get on with life. it feels like i am stuck in a repetitive loop...2 steps forward 1 step back 3 steps forward 6 steps back......

In response to: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Shaz51Senior Contributor02 Nov 2016, 9:10 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Hello @kiki

Welcome to the forum

Like @Former-Member was saying How are you finding things kiki? Lot's of talk about your partner, and what sounds like a very loving relationship, but not much about how it impacts on you.

Your story sounds totally like mine @kiki

So I would love to hear more so I can help you more xx

In response to: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

kikiContributor02 Nov 2016, 9:22 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

thank you shaz51!!!!!! i just did a reply above, still working out how to use this forum thingamy but it is so good to feel not so alone xo

In response to: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 Nov 2016, 11:05 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Hiya @kiki

We're still right back on the I'm-better-than-alright-Jack denial page with my hubby .... and he has seemed to get away with it a long time ...

It's an eating disorder we're living with, but this one is a doozie, and doesn't fit the normal categories. The more I learn about it I have come to realise that he was in the recently-recognised BED category of eating disorder for a very long time before it rolled over into this weird and wonderful form, and OCD seems to be clearly part of the mix .....

We are in a race against time to see whether his denial breaks down, or he does ....

Hearin' ya .... loud and clear ..,,

🌷💜. F&H

In response to: Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Shaz51Senior Contributor03 Nov 2016, 3:04 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

I know totally what you mean @kiki

My hubby`s mental illness seems to go around in cycles , It is very hard finding a balance and when you think you have a kind of a balance going , something always happens

Sometimes I think-- "What about Me !!" and then I am right again

In response to: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

kikiContributor03 Nov 2016, 5:35 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

it is soooooo hard. i find it all unbearable at times.
he just said he.needs to remember not to care about anything i do?! and that he isnt sure he even understands what love is. i feel like maybe he would be better off without me. i just cant bear the thought of the rest of my/our life being this way.
even when he gets this bloody magical neuropsychomowhatevery testing he will still be grumpy and hate life??!!!!!!

In response to: Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Shaz51Senior Contributor03 Nov 2016, 6:15 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

how long have you been together ?? @kiki

Our friend @CherryBomb believes we need to look after ourselves to look after others xx

My Hubby has been on and off anti depressants for a long time with nothing getting better , then he ended i hospital which the doctors have put him on anti depressants and anti anxiety medications which has helped a bit but now has a couple of side affects

I also learnt over the years, I had to change my attitude , It was sooo hard at the beginning and I am finding if I am calm, my hubby is a bit more relaxed

I had found the forums have helped me soo much

In response to: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

kikiContributor03 Nov 2016, 7:30 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

it has been nearly 2 years and he has been unwell and unable to work the whole time. he went to hospital once this year, taken away by ambos and police because he lost it totally after a few sleepless nights. there was tasering!! i felt safe but it was still awful. he went in again to a private paych hospo a few weeks ago but found the noise etc unbearable and i busted him out at 3am. thanks.nice uber driver! he would have walked home otherwise so i thought i might as well pick him up 😉
i just had a pretty good chat with him and he is on the phone right now with a neuropsychologist who will be doing this 5 hour extensive testing on him.
i feel like this forum is helping me already, dont feel so alone 💚
and i was starting to think like i dont deserve this etc etc.....i felt like am i stupid to stay?! also we never have sex (sorry if tmi!) cause he hasnt felt like it so thats a bit rejecty ☺
also i am.super affectionate.and he isnt so much!!!!!
awwww he is asking this neuro lady if she can recommend someone.for me to see to help me deal with him. thats a bit sweet 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌺🌲🌷🌺🌹

In response to: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor03 Nov 2016, 7:50 pm AEDT

Re: partner trying so hard to get help!!!

Awww @kiki ..... that's gorgeous ..... and what a turn around from your earlier post ..... I can relate .... we end up on the rollercoaster with them ....

My hubby is not in that mind space yet, but reading recovery stories it's pretty clear that when they come out of denial about their condition, those like my husband are very grateful that you were compassionate and worked with the situation to try to keep them in your life ..... not sure my hubby would have stuck around for me if our roles were reversed, but I would like to think so ....

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