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Love Is 4 Letter Word

StanDSenior Contributor

Love Is 4 Letter Word

Hi.

Lots of thoughts today. Am OK.

Anyone lonely & up for a chat?

I'm having a deep thought about what it is to be loved & to love.

Perhaps entirely irrelevant, I am on autism spectrum. Possible indications that we feel more deeply? Think more deeply? There is no way I can possibly confirm or deny this.

Love for self.

I know I have heaps of love inside me.

I think I am scared to let others love me?

I feel like it's almost not possible.

When I get the sense that a person might have very deep feelings for me, it scares me.

I can do casual, superficial. "My comfort zone."

I think I'm scared, terrified of hurting people.

I know what it feels like to have my heartbroken. I feel safe keeping things casual because I tell myself, if things end - the other person won't be too hurt.

Maybe I have this impossible delusion of grandeur about myself.

I think my love would be too much.

Gonna add a song link.

When I have experienced love, I can only accept it to a level that feels safe for me.

I don't feel safe to completely surrender myself to love.

Logically I think I know that - it has to be safe. Real love couldn't hurt. Even if the person died? I don't know. I want to believe in this magical heavenly eternal love...maybe God..

Gonna link another song now.

I got distracted - was going to say more?

Hello @tyme

Anyone who wants to chat, new, old, scared, brave, thinks I'm silly, thinks I'm smart - man, I feel the worst for NPD. This diagnosis scares me a lot.

Are there really people who can only hurt people?

What if I am one?

Are they bad people?

People do bad things. Really bad things.

What is Putin doing?

What is this world?

People who are hurt. People who express hurt...deeply...I fall in love.

Love is sad....?

Love is Joy..?

Yeh.

Posty Sunflower

One Of Us

9 replies

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In response to: Love Is 4 Letter Word

tymeModerator

Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Hey there @StanD ,

I'm here - for you 🙂

In response to: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Kyle1Senior Contributor

Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Love is a verb

@StanD

In response to: Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

StanDSenior Contributor

Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Hi @tyme

In response to: Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

StanDSenior Contributor

Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

This morning I was ok @tyme Now I feel really scared. I don't know why. I keep getting these confident , & ok feelings - & then I will feel sad & or ok.

When I'm confident, I feel happy & can manage in my life. I am happy in my own company.

I get scared because I think if I reach out to people I will be rejected or easy prey. Normal 'untrusting' feelings. I think it's normal?

Haha... I'm thinking confident me has no friends, neither does scared me.

It's very difficult to make sense of.

Best strategy not to think about it. Get on with whatever needs doing - & maybe things work themselves out....or not?

Probably, definately over analysing things that are unsolvable.

@Kyle1 excuse my ignorance - I don't understand your reply....hmm thinking about it more, now I think I might agree.

In response to: Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

StanDSenior Contributor

Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Hi @tyme & @Kyle1

I'm just having a really weird day.

I feel like I'm getting closer to issue.

It's that I want people & don't want people at the same time.

I know I do want people. I'm really really scared of getting hurt.

I think I have to fully let go of all the masks & defense's I have held too tightly.

I am shocked I have this much fear.

It's so much easier to be tough & not admit I need anyone.

It's sad that I am this way.

I'm not sure what I'm saying.

My mind changes constantly.

There is something in me that is not ready to let go.

Im worried that I will lose myself. I don't want that. I want to keep me. I like me. I don't like being alone so much.

And I feel like I have already done way too much. I'm very very tired.

This battle inside of me - it never wants to let me go. It's the part of me that is terrified, it's trying to protect me, but really it's damaging me. Preventing me from becoming whole person.

Every time I'm happy - it's there telling me all the reasons why not to be.

It's basically my best friend.

A very sick twisted always reliable demon.

Yadayada

In response to: Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Kyle1Senior Contributor

Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Yeah...

Imagine a heaven all to one's self.

Yikes!

@StanD

In response to: Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

tymeModerator

Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Hope things brighten up for you @StanD . Please take care.

In response to: Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

StanDSenior Contributor

Re: Love Is 4 Letter Word

Thankyou @Kyle1 & Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

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