reflect

Oh @kenny66 - I'm so sorry to read your post.

It's not your fault

You are the last person who is at fault in this whole situation.

I believe we all need a connection with someone - maybe not a blood relation, perhaps another friend.

You're far from being erased here - You're making a such an impact on members here - an impact so big that it can't be erased.

This is just plain crappy (for lack of stronger words). Not a reflection of you at all.

Thinking of you.

nik is right here.

i remembered in the past when i felt a bit isolated there was one or two friends who rang me out of the blue or wrote me a letter. it would make my whole week. But ive realised too that i can / should write letters and call up my friends when they need it too. once a week now i ring some one- once a month i write a letter or send some one a dried flower in a card. And i know, even if they dont get back to me right away- its nice to receive a letter or phone call.

Think of some thing that might have been a good thing for this week. And maybe try my idea next? write some one a letter?

Its just an idea but some times it helps me to make myself contact other people when im feeling alone.

Baboo

Thanks heaps for your notes. I get it that i wont ever have family connection. That is the nature of the complex relationships between child abusers and abused. I guess i was a big shock-the finality of it i suppose.

I try to communicate with people by way of the forum. I try to do things that are kind and healing like volunteering at the dog and cat home, and my favourite, bottle feeding orphaned baby bats. I like the forum a lot. it makes me think of other people and stops me from being selfish and self centred as well as making me realise how minor my issues are compared to other people.

Anyway i value my friends on the forum, for their support and for the contact.

I guess with Christmas coming i am a bit low!!! And i am way over spending time in wards for this year. Thanks again

@kenny66

My heart sank when I read your post. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

Someone once pointed out to me that you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family. I agree with @Uggbootdiva, I hope you can surround yourself with friends who accept and love you, the way your family is unable to do right now.

Remeber that often people's harsh actions are not so much about you, but more a reflection of their own stuff. It's not your fault.

If you accept cyber hugs, I'm sending some your way.

@Alessandra1992, thanks for pointing out that book. I've not heard of it before, but from the quote, it sounds like something I'd also like to read. Can I ask what were some of the main messages in the book that you found most helpful?

Yep, i do think of people on the forum as my friends.

i always go to the animal shelter at christmas if im well. It used to break my heart when i stared volunteering there.

But when you realise you are giving a bit of love and comfort to a little dog or cat person who has never been given a break, you can overcome your sadness at their condition. I still cry over some of them but i try to help as best i can.

I dont know what to say to your kind posts. i dont have an answer for my predicament but all the nice words have given a great deal of comfort.Iwill be having a meal with my flatmate sometime on the day.

Neither of us have had a proper christmas yet in life but we are up for giving it a go this year.Also none of my friends have family, so in a funny way that helps as we are all sort of in the same boat.

I saw there was something hidden in my flatmates closet in bright paper- i didnt peak but it looks like it maybe a present.

Dearest @kenny66

I am deeply saddended reading this. Personally I think they need their heads read.

From one child abuse survivor to another please hear me when I tell you that "moving on" is what people want you to do because they can't handle the grief, anguish and permanency of it. Not that it never changes in any way, things can be held more gently and easily, but the abuse is always there - part of our experiences for the rest of our lives. I think it is their guilt speaking. Please do not let them do a number on your head - I agree with Nik: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! The way they treat you it's them who aren't moving anywhere. They are making it harder for you to deal with/live with.

So let me tell you that if you want to count me as family then please do so. I'd be honoured to have such an incredible insightful, warm-hearted person as my brother.

To be honest families really suck sometimes. I've decided to write to my dad telling him I don't want to have any more contact with him. Like your family, he can't deal with the fact that I was abused as a child. He is either dismissive or ignores it. So for example when I sent him some of my poetry about the abuse he rang me and started talking about copyright law!

Prayers & blessings for you.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

I have got more support from those people i have met in my short time on the forum than in the rest of my life.

Thanks kristin, you will know that you never get over sustained child abuse- i dont think anyone actually ever does. Having that happen to you takes a big chunk of innocence away from you-you forever feel broken.

Its tough never to have been a little boy. Thanks for your help everyone. I am very grateful

Kenny