Talking about MH with family & Anxiety

You have really taken a lion's share of looking after your sister.

Do you think speaking to someone will help? Perhaps even the 1800RESPECT number? https://www.1800respect.org.au/

You do deserve support. We hear you.

tyme

Hi @ClockFace I've been reading some of your posts for a while and have great sympathy for what you're going through. I'm bipolar with a history of psychosis, and one of my tipping points has been high stress and anxiety, and it sounds as though there's been a LOT of that for you. How are you sleeping?

I don't know how you talk about your mental health. My family were never very interested.

Anxiety is debilitating. For a while I used a Yoga Nidra app at night that helped. I've used meditation too but can find it difficult to settle. These days I use breathing exercises at times of peak anxiety and try to walk regularly. Breathing in rhythm with the steps can be good. Ideally having a nice diversion or hobby where you can experience "flow" would probably be good - that's my aim.

Why not join us on the Let`s talk about Bipolar page -

Cheers

Dimity

Hi @ClockFace , thanks for sharing with those on the forums, the old adage sounds cheesy but it can help: "a problem shared is a problem halved". Just identifying what's going on can start to open the door to solutions.

I hear you when you say you have anxiety when thinking about anxiety, I had anxiety attacks for 13 years from my medications and all sorts of things would trigger it.

It sounds like you have a very tight family unit, I met a woman recently with a similar circumstance and it seemed to me like all of their individual problems were keeping them all down. I have struggled to get my family to 'understand me', but I can see now they have issues of their own and I need to sort our my life for myself. I had issues with detaching from my parents for years, I could not work out why, I ended up there a few times looking for answers. It's taken me years to understand our family dynamic, and my own personal issues, and how it all relates together. I think I'm finally starting to put the pieces together, it has just been a process (a loooong process), and it's strange but the answers seem so obvious now. Personally I had some aspergers/autism traits growing up which I managed to cover up quite well for years (I'm not saying that's what you have) and am only realising now how it has affected me.

@Dimity

I just tell them lol. Overall they are pretty dismissive but if I end up having a break or something they know where Im at and can pass it on to the Ambulance. I dont mind talking to my sister but she can be judgemental. I dont like talking to my parents I just force myself to.

Sleep is not great. Im on 8 psych meds, mostly sedatives but they wear off after around 4 hours so I tend to be up. Night before last I got 3.5hrs sleep. Last night I got up but fell asleep at the table (not recommended). I went back to bed and got a few more hours sleep.

Im in a lot of pain, Im on 4 different pain meds and waiting on surgery so that causes me to toss and turn at night too. So sleep is never very restful, somehow though I manage. I even hold down a job with a major bank which I think is pretty impressive.

Anxiety sucks, I have massive amounts. Shopping, driving are my worst. My employer allows me to work from home due to my anxiety, the office Im in has like 500 people and the thought of that does my head in.

Of course medication plays a role, especially when the anxiety is severe. In my case Im on a medication we all know to calm me down which I can take as needed. Im on another medication to stop my hands shaking from anxiety, it has reduced it significantly but they still tend to shake regularly.

I like the breathing excersises too 4 in 7 out. Though I tend to forget when the anxiety is increasing/worst. Im building into my routine periods where I do breathing excersises regardless of how Im feeling.

Distraction is another key for me, its key for many issues for me. Its probably not ideal, its kinda like hiding but its a break. Media streaming is a big one for me, or music loud and obnoxious. I do the music thing a lot when driving, its been hard with driving my sister around, so no music, its not easy to focus on driving, especially when shes yacking in my ear.

You manage amazingly well @ClockFace all things considered. Yes it is impressive.

I asked about sleep because my psychoses were always associated with a run of sleepless nights. Fingers crossed the pain surgery goes ahead asap and makes a difference for you. In the meantime I wonder if there's any med you could top up when you wake up.

Music helps me too but I've been forgetting to use it. I lost track of most of my coping strategies when I had a long run of depression.

It's not surprising driving is stressful particularly when you're with your sister. With shopping I try to go when it's quieter. I know the supermarket layout and write my list in order so I'm in and out as quickly as possible. Have you considered online shopping? I guess it's probably not an option if you live outside of town.

Hope your sister gets the help she needs now she's diagnosed and you can go back to work. The problems right now might be a teething period while she settles into the therapy.

@justanotherguy

Its a wierd dynamic at home. About 5 years ago Mum had 150kg of temporary fencing land on her head and she ended up with an acquired brain injury. She changed significantly, she isnt the same woman we grew up with. She is in heart failure now as well and has basically given up. I talk to her, more so now with my sisters situation but in general not so much. Before the bang to the head the relationship was strained but after, I dont know who she is, shes a stranger and for the most part I dont like who she has become. Very self absorbed, demanding and abusive.

Dad is the typical old school provider sort, but has retired early due to non-hodkins Lymphoma. He has an emotional well dug in the Sahara, but is still very angry. He is in a lot of pain, but still maintains our property (3 acres), pretty much every day dawn to dusk he is outside. Hes outside with his head in the sand to the problems going on, he says its how he copes.

My sister is quite sick before the MH issues. Shes on a DSP. We are very close, we rely on each other heaps. For the most part my sister looked after everyone else. I was in quite a bad way due to a poor medication combination but am on a better one now. We each deal with our issues seperately, but we help each other with our symptoms at home. Some days I can barely move so she will help me and other days its the reverse.

We talk really openly, I have been going to most of her appointments to help pass on information she cant remember and for a long time she couldnt comprehend or retain the information doctors were giving her. Thats been really hard, while I know 90% of her story reliving it and learning stuff I didnt know was incredibly hard. She has had a great deal of trauma in her life, much at the hands of men that were supposed to love her. Trauma that goes beyond what you're thinking and I cant write here. But to hear this and to again and to be reminded of her pain and my failure as her brother has been I dont know what, but I havent liked it.

My sister is my best friend, she is the core of my family, my greatest support. She has seen me through a serious drinking issue and my recovery. She has dealt with me at my worst with my Bipolar, even when I was violent. She unconditionally loves me and I her.

She gets sick of it, as I said she has her own issues, medical and mental, and I know when she has had enough. I get the grumps on because Im not in control most the time but we get passed it quick enough.

Thank you for sharing @ClockFace , and trusting the SANE community to understand and hear how things are for you.

Your post was definitely heart-felt on my part, and I can see the close bond you have with your sister.

@Dimity

My psychosis seems very much a stress responce, the more stress the more psychotic features. Which at the moment there is a lot of stress so a bit of a problem. I do my best to utilise tools I have to reduce stress and anxiety to try and mitigate any further problems. Sudden things like finding my sister and not getting a response did push me over the edge, but I am takinig a significant step back for a few days.

Major depressive episodes to have that tendancy. All your tools and strategies seem to drop away quicker than Paris Hiltons fame. Music and TV does tend to stick with me through most everything. TV when Im depressed is less about me watching it and more about stopping others talking to me. Same with headphones. BTW they are great when shopping.

I go shopping at opening time, but am limited to how far I can get down the shop because of pain nomally speaking. I also basically buy the same thing each time. Im only responsible for what I need so the general household shopping is done by my Dad.

Yeah they might be reconsidering the diagnosis after my talk with the psych last night, he didnt understand it. So she might actually get some help now. BPD is a quick release time just because of the illness in SA. Doesnt matter what attempts they make