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I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years with such a caring loving guy who listens and understands how my mental health is. Before we got together I had a really bad abusive relationship for one year and as my mum passed from domestic violence it really messed with my head, as I got out of that abusive relationship my nan who was like a mum to me passed and that's when I found my now boyfriend, it was great at the start but I realise now days I'm very controlling and am a very jealous person, I don't like him looking at other girls to the point I don't like him looking at girls even on the TV and I feel so silly for feeling this way but it's such a big overwhelming feeling I have and it really effects our relationship, neither of us have any friends all we got is eachother and I feel I'm partly to blame for that also, I just want to know how to get over this rut and the best way to approach these feelings and emotions
Take encouragement that you are self aware enough of feelings and thoughts that may be disruptive and damaging to your relationship.
Well done.
I would suppose the next step is to find a counsellor, or perhaps a psychologist (which can be referred you if you initiate a mental health plan through your GP). And begin working through your issue with the appropriate support.
All the best. Stay conscientious!
In response to: Controlling concern
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: Controlling concern
gday there @Liveforbananas
I'm saddened to hear about what happend with your mum and also how your nan was there but she passed on. It's great that your bf is supporting you through this too.
I guess in terms of the jealousy - it's a good thing you realised this yourself rather than having someone point it out to you. I can imagine that had someone pointed that out to you, you'd likely jump on the defensive - I mean I know I would. In moments like this where we realise what it is we are thinking to ourselves we can start to criticise ourselves.
I must admit that i do get jealous of my gf - i worry that will go elsewhere. I worry that she's just gonna up and go one day. We've been through some emotional hurdles in the past 8 months (that's how long we've been going out). Sometimes I start to think that she will just ghost me one day. But I am finding that so much of this is coming out of a place of insecurity and this insecurity is the real issue. I spoke to my p doc the other day about this and he said the insecurity is there but there is no point asking why - because you'll probably have a never ending stream of answers. In the end I reckon the best antidote to this is to delve into ways in which we can act better in the world with the feelings we have. I'm not a psychiatrist, but i do see one. Some of it is passing on into me I think, but I need to be careful NOT to over analyse. But to also be left in the lurch with no answers and just a feeling of total loss is unhelpful.
Perhaps also remembering times where you and your partner have navigated tough times or have managed to get through things together OR even just good times that you've had together where it's just the two of you. For example, I routinely try to recall memories I have of my partner's face and eyes and when she is smiling. That warms me up.
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