Todays Feelings

Hi @LostAngel

Sounds like you're feeling pretty down right now due to circumstances with your partner. I hope things improve. Thank you fore letting us know you're safe. If this changes and you do feel overwhelmed with SH thoughts please call crisis services as below:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

Also, you could speak to someone at our drop-in counselling line (email, phone, or webchat). Here are the details https://www.sane.org/get-support/drop-in-service

Take care

Hanami

Hi @LostAngel,

It's never easy having constant disagreements with a romantic partner. It can really take its toll on both of you. I don't think you are too broken to be loved at all. Navigating love, emotions and everything that goes with that is really challenging. I guess it can hurt so much because when we care about someone on that level it is very deep. It's not easy opening ourselves up to others. Being vulnerable means we can also leave ourselves open to getting hurt and to causing hurt.

I think it says a lot about you that you are taking some ownership in what happened and you are trying to work on changing what you consider your negative behaviours. That shows insight and self reflection. What I have learned when I get upset / angry (and it took me many years to figure this out) was when I am emotional the best thing I can do is remove myself from the situation (e.g. turning off my phone, walking away from the situation, etc.) because I know when I am emotional I can (and do) say things that I didn't mean in the moment. I find it best (just my experience) to disengage overnight so I can unpack what has happened, process things and reflect on what I really think / feel when I am less heightened. Not saying this is what you should do, just something that I have found works best for me that may be of some help to you or others.

I hope you are okay and I hope you and your partner can sort things out.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

[TRIGGOR WARNING}Thank You Both @FloatingFeather @hanami Ive had bouts of crying throughout the day and the longer I dont hear from him the more it hurts I am thinking of ringing a phone line Im safe however I found mysef trying to find forms of comfort ,I watched a favourite series for a few hours and decided to eat dinner , however those SH thoughts come in waves ,I would rather not describe those as not to triggor anyone ,I sought comfort from finding the watch my late grandmother gave me and put that watch on to try to ease my mind ,but have found myself looking at a photo of my parents and one of me quite young the thought of being unlovable is difficult still thank you both for your care I do feel you both understand quite alot ,I have at times turned off my phone only to turn it back on ,I have reached out to him so much with words but with links to songs to try to express my feelings in a vulnrable way ,while looking at my parents photo I thought will I get to have what they have had ? the thoughts continue but I also in a momment of feeling vulnrable decided to share a baby photo and my parents photo with him ,I just want him to know I feel sorry and bad Ill try to get some rest most likely call a phone line too maybe listen to music ,surely he doesnt think im happy with our continueing disagreements but he hasnt reached out to me as much as ive reached out although surely he knows i love him, I am mindfull however that his last words to me where of needing space or it came across as anger ,hurt ,although I didnt reply anything was too worried at the time what to say ,who knows what he thinks about that ill continue to take care best I can at least for the rest of tonight ,if hes giving silent tretment to make me feel guilty its certainly working 😭💔

How are you going today @LostAngel ?

@tyme @FloatingFeather @hanami thank you am doing a bit better, have shared my struggles with him and ended up asking him very direct questions to gain an understanding of where things are at for us and he basically shared that everything is ok between us now , and being supportive natured in regards the depressive episode I found myself in, I also put myself back on my medication to ease the anxiety and depression from getting out of control like it was doing over the weekend,we sometimes can be so hard on ourselves cant we and internalise more fear,and negative emotions than we really need to, the important thing is things are slowly moving in the right direction once more and for that Im thankfull ,no more SH thoughts,and the bouts of crying has stopped ,Im just doing one little step at a time to go easy on myself ,Be very carefull not to take heightened emotions to your very core as you will realise some of your fears in that state are terrible paranoia ,i think inshort he may have got over our disagreement quicker than I allowed myself and so all these internal insecurties and just everything bubbled to the surface ,go easy on yourself when you feel that way cause things always improove just give yourself time,being back on meds has helped,music has helped,mindfullness has helped,and talking with him has helped things arnt back to where they where maybe from my end a little in terms of things feel a little slowed down for now but maybe theres a reason for that ,relationships surely do go through waves and phases ebbs and flows ,Im getting there

Hi @LostAngel,

Thank you for letting us know how you are getting on. I'm really pleased for you that you were able to have a chat with your boyfriend and were able to share with him around how you are feeling. A friend of mine always says as long as people can keep communicating most problems can be sorted out - I think that is probably pretty wise advice.

I agree that sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves, particularly when things are overwhelming and emotional. I know for me when I am overwhelmed with emotions and my thinking is a bit in free fall I am best to remove myself from the situation so I can calm down. I've learnt (just my experience and belief) not to make a decision when I am in an emotional state as I can't think clearly at the time. I also remove myself from a situation when I am emotionally overwhelmed because sometimes I can say things that in hindsight I wish I hadn't.

It's great to read you are getting there and please keep reaching out if you need to - we are here for you.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather