HopeLESS

I feel like I have exhausted all options and yet Ive got absolutely no where. I am not coping and yet I'm on my own in all of this. It seems that is absolutely pointless me trying to talk to anyone or trying to get myself help. Nobody cares enough to actually listen and nobody cares enough to actually help. I have repeatedly tried to advocate for myself but it's like it goes in one ear and straight out the other and with no support from others, I don't have a chance of being heard. So I have come to the realisation that I'm 100% on my own in this. I don't want to feel like this but I do. I have lost all hope. I sound like a broken record when I speak. I saw a poster a while back and it said silence + o.d = a silent killer. And yes it is. But what other choice do I have other than to take things into my own hands. I have repeatedly tried and when I've been like ok maybe the next person will help or put me in the right direction, but it's the same thing every time. Online chats are scripted responses (or on the phone), the doctor will barely speak to me, I'm not linked in with any mental health services. I am on my own. But I'm scared because there's so much darkness in my mind and I feel like I'm being urged to take action. I am on the absolute edge. It's like the ground has crumbled beneath me. Silence is going to be a killer but it's not like I haven't spoken out. I don't have the energy to try anymore. I might as well just let the silence absorb me. I don't even feel like 'one more try, one more conversation' it's utterly pointless and that makes me so sad. I wouldn't want anyone else to feel like this and im sorry if others do. This is no life to live. No one (including myself) should be feeling like this...but this is the reality and apparently it doesn't matter....

Maybe I did this all to myself and that's why it doesn't matter....