Not coping.

There isn't really any other way to say it other than in not coping and that I feel like I'm close to the edge. I feel like a broken record saying this, but it is true.

I feel so irritable inside. Ive had enough. There is no support and therefore there's no one to turn to. I can't deal with the loneliness and isolation of this. I dont believe anyone should suffer in silence but I feel like that's what im having to do.

I feel like I'm trudging through cement and it's finally starting to set. I'm not getting anywhere...I don't have the tools to get me out and I don't have the energy. There is no hand I can grab to help me out. I can't do this on my own. I feel like I'm suffocating.

I had another bad night last night which didn't really end well (SH). I feel like I am being pulled into SI deeper and deeper. I have tried to resist but what is the use? Why should I put myself through any more hell or emotional pain? Alcohol and self medicating only numb it for so long and then you're back to being where you started. I have dealt with enough and I can't take anymore. But when there is no other support or help, I can only do what I can to get me through. So with this being said, I feel like I'm left with no choice. I don't see any other way through this....it has been going on for far too long . I can't take another night like every night this week so far. Ive tried (and not just this week but for the last 2yrs...and for nothing) and I just can't.

I have felt so let down lately and I can't do it on my own....I am saddened (frustrated and angry) by what's happened (or more so what has not happened).

😩😩😩