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PND or relationship mismatch

Maz1Casual Contributor30 Oct 2016, 8:26 pm AEDT

PND or relationship mismatch

Hi all. I recently came accross PANDA as I have a sneaking suspicion that I might have a moderate form of PND. However I am also contemplating whether it is just the fact that I am no longer in love with my partner and having a baby has made me seriously reevaluate our relationship. I also wonder whether both may be in fact be 2 separate issues. In short, I have always been anxious and irritable since bub was born 14mths ago and do find parentling overwhelming at times (but not all the time). Until recently, I could never leave my son, and if i did, I felt that I needed to be there. I also dont treat my partner the way he deserves and find myself picking at anything he does. I have recently acknowledged that my behaivor is not acceptable and that I have been so caught up that i have lost myself in the process. I am now exercising almost everyday like I used to (which feels great) and am trying real hard to hold back on commenting on every little thing my partner does. I hate they way I have treated my partner and have spoken to him about it. I have also spoken to him about some other underlying issues that we have discussed before having a child that were not sitting right with me. I did accept that he isnt perfect (nor am I), but these things still irritate me and maybe having the stress of a child together has bought them to to forefront again. We are not married, and if he were to ask, right now I would say no. This scares me ALOT as I am left wondering whether this means he's not the man for me. Or is it PND? Or is it both!? so this is where I am at. I am in no way depressed, however I am obviously hurting over the consideration of leaving my partner and my son being left with a broken family (something I personally know about). I have been very open with my partner about all of the above and we are making an effort to try and get ourselves back on track. I am not seeking advice (Im going to go to my GP for that) but I just want to hear other people's thoughts/experiences. TIA

6 replies

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In response to: PND or relationship mismatch

pipSenior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 10:00 pm AEDT

Re: PND or relationship mismatch

Hi @Maz1. You sound extremely mixed up and agitated. With your son, does his father help in any way. Are you getting adequate emotional support. What about your parents or in-laws, any help there with 'time out'? With a baby, they can be extremely demanding and fretful for the first year or so. Getting them into any sort of routine seems to take forever and if you are not getting any support, plus if you are contemplating returning to work, this too places a burden on your shoulders. When all of the above happens, the least little thing makes you want to pack up and run. Is there some way you could arrange to leave bub with someone you trust implicitly. That way you and partner could have some time together to see where you are? To really evaluate where you are emotionally with your partner, you need time away from bub to think clearly without interruption. PND is depression, brought on by emotion after the birth of a baby. Did you have a normal pregnancy, no underlying issues? Was the birth fairly straight forward? Any sort of depression plays havoc with your thought processes. Denial is also a form of depression, rather than admit to feeling depressed you get angry at the suggestion.

In response to: PND or relationship mismatch

utopiaSenior Contributor31 Oct 2016, 12:44 pm AEDT

Re: PND or relationship mismatch

Hi @Maz1. Thank you for posting this question.
I think the only way to really work this out is to go and talk it through with a specialist. A counselor or psychologist who has experience in both PND and relationship issues.
Your gp will be able to refer you to a psychologist under the free medicare scheme. Be as honest as you can with your gp - so he/she knows who best to refer you to.
In the meantime, don't make any decisions about your relationship. Wait until you are 100% certain that it is over before leaving. As your relationship may be able to be saved and strengthened.
Have a look around our forum. There are posts on relationships and on struggling with young children. They may offer you some further ideas.
I wish you all the very best.

In response to: Re: PND or relationship mismatch

NikNikSenior Contributor01 Nov 2016, 3:57 pm AEDT

Re: PND or relationship mismatch

Hi @Maz1

Welcome to the Forums 🙂

Just to add to the others' responses, this month we are hosting a Topic Tuesday on Emotional wellbeing for parents, which will feature PANDA.

I thought it might be of interest.

Take care

In response to: Re: PND or relationship mismatch

Maz1Casual Contributor03 Nov 2016, 12:55 pm AEDT

Re: PND or relationship mismatch

hi pip. my son's father helps out a lot. My parents come here every few weeks as we are interstate and the in laws are overseas so they cant help. We have decided to start daycare in a few weeks to ease the burden and spend some time with each other to see where that takes us. We'll see...

In response to: Re: PND or relationship mismatch

pipSenior Contributor03 Nov 2016, 1:17 pm AEDT

Re: PND or relationship mismatch

@Maz1. It sounds as though you have a pretty good support team in your hubby, parents etc. With daycare, ask the workers to help with the transition for your son to ease in. At 14 months, your son could display fretting at the parting. The first couple of times you take him, it might be an idea to remain there out of sight for a little while. Have a talk with the carers about this. Even, if possible, take him along before he is due to start to 'introduce' him to the day centre. Once he accepts his new environment, the transition is easier on everyone. Best wishes.

In response to: PND or relationship mismatch

Maz1Casual Contributor11 Nov 2016, 7:12 pm AEDT

Re: PND or relationship mismatch

Thanks. He has been there a few time to play now and loves it!

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