Accused of abusing medical people

I don't condone abuse of medical staff. They're here to help.

But, I get stressed AF in medical situations, and part of my cPTSD is from being coerced into surgery by my obstetrician. And part of my condition stems from being in the military, where I accidentally also learned to swear like a trooper. Which is to say I learned to swear about things, but to be respectful of people.

Also, having my mental health problems keeps leading indirectly to other problems. Like falling badly off my bike because my brain wasn't working as fast as it otherwise would --> broken arm --> lots of time in the fracture clinic --> they don't take you seriously because of mental health problem/difficulty putting things into words (they 'spotted' the wrist fracture I went in for but refused to even assess for the knuckle fracture that was obvious to me and took 4 weeks to diagnose, by which point there was no treatment).

--> and several things like this (for myself and for my child) --> so.much.frustration.

And sometimes in frustration (like queuing at one walk-in-clinic for two hours to be specifically sent to a staff member at another walk-in-clinic, who told me after I'd waited there for well over an hour that she'd be off shift by the time it got to me, and their queuing system didn't recognise the time I'd spent waiting at the other ACT government walk-in-clinic) I have explained my point, they tell me 'computer says no' or some really non-sense explanation, and I've said 'this is fked' and they tell me off for being abusive. And I fkg can't deal with being considered abusive, because I am so careful not to direct it at the person, but the system, but in the moment censoring expletives entirely is fkn impossible, and 'this is unfair' or something like doesn't convey the powerful intensity of the frustration of being stuck in this stupid system to fix my stupid brain.

And it frustrates me that we're not supposed to take things personally, but the medical system dehumanises us, turns our treatment into little chunks dished out by various people - usually really kind ones, but not always - often constrains what they can do for completely bureaucratic reasons, then people take criticisms of the system personally when we lose our shit about it.

I'd add, because I think it's relevant, I'm a small-ish old-ish woman who is strong enough to walk/run/ride etc, but in no way physically intimidating, and never threatening in my posture.

And I'm so frustrated by this and upset that I can't even get the care that I need, and I literally just want to disappear because I alternately hate myself for seeming 'abusive' and hate 'them' for twisting my words or being oversensitive.

(Edit... OMG even the stupid forum can't deal with norty words)