Schizoid inward-lookingness

Hi,

I've been a shy bloke since 15 or so, and experienced social anxiety in university to a high level.

I used to get a feeling of 'invisible cobwebs' on my nose and facial cheeks, which evolved into a feeling of my face's skin crawling when I made eye contact. This made socializing incredibly uncomfortable, so I avoided socializing as much as possible.

Hence I became a loner during university, and never really recovered the joy of socialising.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, which made a lot of sense to me.

By that time, I was intensely inward-looking. I think I had turned away from the world (and turned inward) after a traumatic event perhaps in the early 2000s, can't remember the exact year.

I am now 47, working from home, and running a side project, but realize my constant inward-looking is not healthy, nor helpful for my family and friends, and community.

I have real difficulty in understanding what I need to do to change my nature from inward to outward.

In 2012, after another traumatic event, I woke up to hear what I thought were my neighbours commenting on my thoughts. I was horrified. It was so intrusive. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder a few days later.

The voices I hear say they're trying to herd me in the right direction. I believe they have great intent, but their method is very unhelpful.

They say things like open my mind (which I'm happy to do), and mind over matter (which they refuse to explain properly). In fact they rarely share a detail, which makes most of their communication unhelpful and lacking much meaning.

Anyhow, I'd love some advice for people who understand schizoid personality disorder on how to regain an outward orientation.

I am tired of feeling like a liability.