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This is not a life.

Paisley12Casual Contributor14 Feb 2023, 9:30 pm AEDT

This is not a life.

Hi, i am new to this site, to forums but i dont know what to do anymore.

I have suffered with a range of mental health issues for most of my life. I am so unstable as every week i am a different person in a different mood acting a different way. I cant take much more of it.

Today has been a really hard day, i just dont see the point anymore. Living this way is not living, this is not a life.

I have been in the mental health system for a very long time and i have been handed around to countless pyschiatrists, in and out of hospital, trialled on a ridiculous amount of medication and yet i am still not stable. I do not work as i am deemed unfit to work due to my mental state, I dont go out in public because i am scared. I have tried to get help for so long but they cant even help me. They tell me this is the life i have. I have given up on doctors, i know longer trust them.

I am so sick of living in pain, living this way, living with people that dont understand what i go through so i feel like i am this alien in their world.

This is not a life, I feel alone and scared and i just dont know what to do anymore.

10 replies

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In response to: This is not a life.

Eve7Senior Contributor14 Feb 2023, 9:58 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

Hello @Paisley12 and welcome to the forums. You have made a brave step sharing what has been a difficult experience throughout your life.

i hope you feel comfortable on here as there are lots of friendly people also willing to share their lived experience of mh journey.

All the best and I’m sorry life has been so hard.

In response to: This is not a life.

Jessicaa11Contributor15 Feb 2023, 11:48 am AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

Hey paisley! Nice to meet you.

I feel you. I hear you and I see you. It’s a half life if that at the most, well atleast that’s how I view my current living. Always been functioning at half capacity, quarter potential my whole life and it’s balls tbh.

You’ve done great by keeping on reaching out. It’s sh!t that you’re going through all you are, fighting with your mind and body ain’t easy.

I just finished a therapy session and was taught to tap with two fingers (index and middle) lightly but enough to feel it just under your right wrist bone (if you’re left handed swap wrists) what this will do is give your mind a signal to jump back in your body when you’re feeling a little off - i did it for an hour straight just then for therapy so i could keep my mind focused and not return to the past through body memory. A good one I learnt for fear (I have PTSD etc) is to cross your arms over your chest and rub your palms over your triceps area of the arms (elbow to shoulder) - almost like you’re giving yourself a hug. For me it’s hard to remember this one when I really need it because self soothing was not taught to me so hugging myself and touching myself kindly feels completely abnormal and somewhat disgusting - It does work to quell some anxiety and fear symptoms, well enough for you to refocus your thoughts and there is some comfort. Just feels abnormal for me but.

Life is what you make of it. Corny but so true, don’t give up on yourself - it’s a little too early to give up, before you’ve even had a chance to meet yourself yet.

In response to: This is not a life.

justanotherguySenior Contributor15 Feb 2023, 12:08 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

Hi @Paisley12

Things sound pretty stressful for you right now, there's lots of people on here that can offer support. If you're not sure what to do anymore, can I suggest have you ever bushwalked? Or gone down to the beach and taken a swim? (between the flags of course). These kinds of things people do to reconnect with nature to remind us we are all a part of this world and living in society can be hard. Living in modern society is especially hard because it is so corporatised and formalised there is little space to gather your thoughts and get a sense of perspective on things.

In response to: Re: This is not a life.

hanamiSenior Contributor15 Feb 2023, 12:14 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

I love that idea @justanotherguy . It's what's helped me most when I've had bad anxiety. Now my anxiety is much better, I forget to connect. So I have to be really aware of it and it can be something as simple as going to sit in the early morning sun on my back deck just for ten minutes for work. Swimming in the ocean is one of the most amazing feelings. Ditto for bushwalking especially on a cool but sunny day.

I also loved your idea of just going and sitting in a cafe to people watch. This works for me too.

In response to: Re: This is not a life.

Paisley12Casual Contributor15 Feb 2023, 4:37 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

@Jessicaa11 Thank you for your kind words and your support, i can honestly say it is more then what the doctors have done for me.

I have tried so many things but because my mood changes so easily it is hard to stick to anything. Everytime i would feel down or stressed or my mind was taking over me i would take my dog for a walk around certain streets of my area (I have OCD) so i dont like change i have a certain route i would walk but i am to the point that i cant even make myself do that. I feel like my mind and body is offically giving up, it has had enough of trying. When i settle from the anxiety and i have a better mind frame, there is still a voice in the back of my head telling me "you might be ok now but dont get too excited, you know it will come back again soon". How is that a way of living. I have social anxiety so i dont go out. I dont talk to the people in my life about this stuff because they dont understand and i feel like im an inconvience to their lives.

It is not corny i do believe life is what you make of it, but i unfortunatly cant seem to make anything of it. I am 32 and still dont have a decent life.

In response to: Re: This is not a life.

Paisley12Casual Contributor15 Feb 2023, 4:42 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

@justanotherguy and @hanami thank you for your replies. I like your ideas but unfortunatly leaving the house isnt so easy for me. I have started so many projects that i think might help keep me distracted or help with the mind frames i go through but unfortunatly they are all half finished as i go through fazes and cant seem to keep my focus on it long enough before im done with it.

I suffer with so manny different problems that i just feel there may be something that helps one problem but then one of my other problems comes in and overpowers it all and i am back at square one.

In response to: Re: This is not a life.

tymeModerator15 Feb 2023, 8:11 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

Hey @Paisley12 ,

Maybe it's about going slow to go fast?

Start small. For example, for me, I re-learnt to be 'social' and to once again get used to speaking with people by participating in forums like this. It was a way for me to practice social skills and to interact with others.

Perhaps engaging and connecting on these forums is a good start already? Have you considered this?

In response to: Re: This is not a life.

FlotsamSenior Contributor16 Feb 2023, 12:35 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

@Paisley12

My life got really great at 33 and was pretty great till I was 53, it isn’t over yet. Not every day was perfect but there were a lot of good days. In the past year I think I have had about 5 goods days and about 20 okay days, but I am doing everything I can to be here when it gets good again. I lose hope some days, but even the very worst feelings don’t last forever.

In response to: This is not a life.

polyesterflowerCasual Contributor19 Feb 2023, 2:21 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

Hey, I'm in a similar boat. I feel awful (anxiety, depression, ugh) al the time. No treatments. have been effective. A grand total of two things have ever helped (one illicit drug, obviously not sustainable or healthy, and DBT psychoeducation helped me understand why things might be the way they are).

I don't have any solutions, but I thought it would be worth telling you that you're not alone.

In response to: Re: This is not a life.

MesssedupContributor21 Feb 2023, 10:32 pm AEDT

Re: This is not a life.

@Paisley12 and @justanotherguy, I agree getting back to nature is healing.
I spent a couple of days just me, my tent and the river bank. I cried, I breathed, I lay in the sun, I bathed in the freezing water and warmed by the coals of my fire watching the moonlight on the water. I was wrapped in souls past and natures healing. The birds were great. A crow became my friend not long after I arrived. I talked about life to him. He looked at me knowingly.
I am going back again soon just escape people who overwhelm me.

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