Support adult child living at home with severe adhd

Hello! @Wondersoft

I am Amber22 and I am a Peer Support Worker here at SANE. I just wanted to let you know first and foremost that it is really great that you have reached out to ask this. It shows that you genuinely love and care for the person, and want whats best for them. I know it can be hard when you feel as if you have hit a wall and don't think you can carry on with the situation as it is, and although you may be feeling as if you are expressing it in tough love form, it is really lovely that you have reached out for advice on this for them. I am sure that there are many forumites that can help you out with this 🙂

In the meanwhile, I was wondering if there is currently any external support systems in place for them? I note that you said that they are not wanting to engage with mental health support, but would they be open to having counselling together as a family? Sometimes it can be a daunting thought doing it by yourself, and if others are committed to going with you it can soften the blow a bit. Also, being completely transparent with them is always a great thing to do. It can be a bit confronting, and should be done respectfully and with good intentions (especially if they are struggling mentally) but maybe they don't see the toll that it may be taking on others that they are not willing to get support?

All the best,

Amber22

@Wondersoft There is a book called the ADHD advantage by Dale Archer M.D that may be of some assistance. If you can focus his attention on something specific and productive, he’ll go far. Also Kerwin Rae is a great example of ADHD put to good use.

Thanks so much Amber22 for your great thoughts. Main problem is that despite being a sensitive, smart, creative young adult, and his recognition of his adhd, he can't/won't engage with any support or take responsibility for learning to live his own great life with adhd.

He insists he can handle his adhd without any support, other than self-medicating with cannabis.

His adhd means that he is impulsive, reckless, chaotic, makes poor decisions leading to constant serious problems.

We've done family therapy, and he's had a couple of detox stays in hospital under supervision of his psychiatrist at the time. He's seen psychologists, psychiatrists and GPs, with a support person.

He can't hold down a job due to poor performance, lack of attention and responsibility.

It's like watching a slow train wreck. Maybe when the final crash happens, he will receive the help he needs, even if it's in prison, where so many others with untreated mental health issues end up. I desperately hope it's not a fatal accident involving him or someone else.

If we tossed him out from all the love and support he receives here at home, he would just go sleep in car or park.

If this is all typical of adhd, I still have no idea how he will access all the help and support available.

Great suggestions to focus on the positives, thanks, because he does feel like an isolated failure. Hopefully, these positive stories of living successfully with adhd may some day tip the balance in favour of him choosing to engage in real support and change. As I said, I just hope he can choose to change tack in order to avoid the looming train wreck/crash.

This problem must be such a common part of dealing mental illness, especially with self-delusional traits of adhd, bi-polar, skitsofrenia, personality disorders, etc. And we're a loving, functional family with time and resources to assist. Surely, there must be strategies and pathways to engage adults with mental health issues in support services, rather that waiting for them to hit rock bottom, fall apart, and end up in prison???

Sadly you or your son will need to find them. The public health system from my exp, can not provide that support and will not provide that support. The best support is his environment, and in the modern world, it is mostly social media. Curated social media feeds that encourage growth and improvement, can be used to educate. The internet is the worlds largest free library and if used correctly, it is worth far more than a bachelors degree ever could be. Our own world view matters a lot, and sadly most are not exposed to the optimistic, positive view of it.

hello and sending you lots of hugs @Simba142 , @Wondersoft

just a little tip , remember to put a @ in front of members names and they will get your message

@amber22 , @Jynx

Many, many thanks

Thanks shaz51. Where are the member names I should put an @ before?