Breakdown_BearCasual Contributor
When caring causes abandonment.
I have complex mh myself, bpd, cPTSD, ASD and ADHD, I have been decently stable for about 2 years now, since giving up alcohol and having my daughter, but my best friend has been spiralling lately. I had been struggling a bit since sept but it was just the Urgh there’s a lot to deal with and ahhh I have to take my child in for surgery (cleft lip and palate repair) and increased my anxiety meds, and until the day before yesterday I was coping, even after having to call 000 a bit over a week ago and get crisis team involved before they’d need the resus team, But it was getting harder….. and then I got thrown into a situation with ECT discussion with no warning, which is a trigger for me, more than I realised and I ended up in full flashbacks of my grandmother post ECT… I’m apparently now the a-hole for setting the boundary I won’t be socialising with the other inpatients if she needs a visit and we can go into her room, otherwise she can see me on her day passes, apparently that’s me implying I’m angry at her for getting better…. No I’m angry that I’ve been deemed an acceptable casualty of her getting better. I’m angry that my boundaries weren’t considered in the slightest. I’m angry that I was forced to socialise with new people without preparation, in such a high pressure situation and getting in trouble for not being considerate enough with the people in there’s complex trauma and the passive aggressive “if I thought you couldn’t handle visiting a psych ward, I wouldn’t have asked you to come in”…. In nov I found out my grandmother had died in June, we were estranged as she was a permanent inpatient at a mental health care unit, and I was touched by another patient when I was 13….. she knows all this…. But she acknowledges my trauma but then tells me I have to control it because of where I was…. Where I didn’t want to be….
