No where to turn

I am dealing with some fairly complex issues...

• Court is in a couple of weeks and I'm having to write an affidavit (with no help) which has made me feel like complete S☆it
• I believe my husband is cheating again (despite him saying he isnt)
• I've got family causing issues which has triggered past traumas which I haven't spoken to anyone about (because they can't even deal with the stuff they do know)
• My physical body is in pain and I feel absolutely exhausted (physically and mentally)
• I feel like I can't say or do anything right and it just gets turned right back to me and my MH
• I have no interest or motivation. My mood is flat and my thoughts are dark (SI). I have been struggling so bad with the urge to SH.
• I've barely had any sleep recently - spend most nights awake
• I feel disgusted with myself when I eat and like I can feel myself putting on weight with every bite (which now I feel like I'm developing a new problem)....I don't eat lunch or breakfast and am basically starving myself most of the day....
• I don't feel like I actually live life...the days just pass by and so I just feel like a complete ghost (no existence does not matter) and I have zero purpose
• My depression, anxiety, ptsd and bpd are all heightened rn

...just some of the things

Today in a desperate bid to get some support, i did actually seek some help but got told no and that im mot eligible (which is bs, because there are no requirements for the support i was seeking and wasnt told no intially). I already feel absolutely hopeless and lost...and this is just another knock back. I can't see my psychologist as I need the MHCP review to go through and now she is booked up...I had an appt booked but they (the service she works for) cancelled it as I didn't have the review done yet...on the DASS score thing, I scored 42....which is high (severe)....

I am constantly having to fight my mind and tbh, I feel like giving up.. I am exhausted with the way I am.