Phoebe10New Contributor
Brother with depression and anxiety, living in what I perceive as an unsupportive environment
Hi. My brother has been suffering with depression for a while but it got really bad around Christmas. He has two young girls, 9 & 12. Him and his wife have decided to divorce. I think this needed to be done a long time ago but my brother could never cope with the thought of it and now his world is falling apart. She said she can’t give anymore and she is done with it. She is a very closed woman and very defensive and unapproachable. His girls have become very aloof to him too. (They spend most time with their mother and he is not sure what she is saying to them. There is no respect for him anymore.) He is seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist and talking about it but is still struggling. His work has agreed to drop the number of days he works and his duties but he isn’t sure if he will cope with it. He faces anxiety with work and anxiety with his home environment. The problem is I don’t think the environment he lives in is very supportive. They are living together while they fix up the home and get it ready to sell. He can’t cope with the thought of living on his own. I live 1.5hrs away and when he stays with me he feels he’s abandoning his children and they get more angry. I feel he has been emotionally abused and manipulated by his wife but he thinks he is in the wrong and that she does support him but she is very condescending and cold to him.
when I’m there he says his wife withdraws more. I’ve offered to go to his house and fetch him, not go in, and help him start looking for places to rent but he says she will know that he’s been with me and she still doesn’t like it. He’s also worried about living on his own and the cost of rent while paying mortgage. He is also not sure if his work will keep him on if he can’t cope. I’m flying my dad over to support him but his wife and my dad do not see eye to eye so he is anxious about my dad staying at the house with them and his wife doesn’t want that. But I don’t know how else my dad is going to support him if he isn’t living with him. I just don’t know how else to help him. I don’t know what the best course of action is for him. Every way we turn there is an obstacle to navigate. It would be different if he had a supportive wife that we could talk to. I’ve approached her and she was cold and very short with me. She clearly doesn’t want to be involved with our family anymore and is keeping her distance. I was on the phone with him today and he was in tears again because he doesn’t know how he is going to get through this. I need someone to tell me what to do because I don’t know what is right or wrong for him and I don’t want to make things worse. Has anyone dealt with anything like this? Thank you.
