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Man Up

BarklyCasual Contributor26 Oct 2016, 7:49 am AEDT

Man Up

4 replies

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In response to: Man Up

utopiaSenior Contributor26 Oct 2016, 9:39 am AEDT

Re: Man Up

@Barkly. I hear a lot of pain in your post. Pain and frustration.
The system we have at the moment for helping those who are struggling - is sometimes as sick as we are - especially if like you and I, finances cause even more stress.
I've seen so many counselors and psychologists. It took me a long time to find one that I was comfortable being totally honest with. It's very hard to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and speak to others. But I'm glad I persisted with getting the best psychologist fir me. My depression has really lifted. I've rediscovered things I enjoy doing. And I'm starting to live again.
I have used the medicare funded mental health plan before to access my psychologist. Although the government tries to restrict the number of free visits - my psychologist extended this twice - up to 21 free visits.
Can you talk to your gp and ask them to recommend a good psychologist. Maybe give it one more try.
Have you thought of talking to BeyondBlue or Mens HelpLine. I know you find it hard to open up - but maybe being anonymous on the phone may make this easier.
Suicide is irreversible. Depression and money worries can be sorted out. You can move past this moment.

In response to: Man Up

Unknown userMember26 Oct 2016, 10:25 am AEDT

Re: Man Up

Hi @Barkly,

I watched the Man Up series and thought it was interesting and possibly a good start in addressing mens mental health, but yes it is very hard to simply go up to people and tell them how you are doing. It requires trust and a feeling of safety first and I guess that is why it takes a bit of time to start to open up to a counsellor and build that trust so you feel comfortable to share your thoughts and emotions.

Counselling sessions generally have a period of time where you actually feel worse as you are opening a box of untouched emotions and issues but as the sessions proceed, this may take a long time, you start to be able to acknowledge those experiences, what you have learnt from them and focus on the future and ways of coping. Your feelings can change 🙂

I agree, it can be difficult to find services that are low cost/free and it takes a lot of searching but there are help lines that can start you off in the right direction, like utopia said, they specialise in men's services, it might be worth giving them a call?

Mensline 1300 78 99 78

BeyondBlue 1300 22 4636

The forum is a place where you can share your thoughts and experiences, so please continue to share with us. It is so great that you have taken the big step to reach out and find help.

Take care of yourself,

Lunar

In response to: Re: Man Up

BarklyCasual Contributor26 Oct 2016, 3:18 pm AEDT

Re: Man Up

I'm not so sure that there is pain and/or frustration... I think I've gotten past that... probably someone more qualified than me would be having a good old chuckle about now..! I've really just given up, that's probably it... it's been over 20 years now, and realistically I figure at 59, its just too late anf hard to try any more...

Being in a small country town too limits the options. The last counsellor I saw just didnt seem to be working on the right issues... I left my first wife and 4 sons when the eldest was 13 and the youngest just 4... so there is lots of guilt that a father could do that, especially to 4 boys. No birds and bees talk, no teaching them to drive, no sport.... but the counsellor kept saying that I can fix this... No I cant.. they have all grown up without any influence from me... how can I go back to them and explain about sex and relationships? How can I be a father to them through the formative years.... just cant be un-done... And she kept on and on about it... I was glad when the "free" funding ran out...

And as for calling hotlines? What are they going to do? Apart from costing $ (from a mobile), especially as it would take hours to explain what the problem is, all they would say was go to hospital/doctor/mental asylum and as I said before, thats not going to happen... Please dont get me wrong, they do a great job but just not for me....

I agree totally with you about it being irreversible.... maybe not so much about moving on...

Anyway...I'm starting to ramble on...

In response to: Man Up

utopiaSenior Contributor26 Oct 2016, 4:22 pm AEDT

Re: Man Up

@Barkly. No you can't go back in time and be that father for your young boys. But you can now be a mate or a father to them - now they are adults.
It's not so much about building a bridge to them. It's more like repairing the gap in the middle of that bridge.
I don't think it's ever to late - to say sorry - to get to know them as men - to listen to them.
No matter their ages now - our children always need their dad.
I wish my dad had taken the time to say sorry to me & the time to find out who I was - before his sudden death. It would have made a huge impact on me.
What were the things that you wanted to talk to this counsellor about? If not your children and your guilt - then what?
Having a MI as a parent - I've had a huge amount of guilt about my son and my inability to look after him when I was at my sickest.
But I got help. I moved on from my guilt. And my son and I are forging stronger bonds now.
I hope you will give it one more try with a therapist.

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