Hi @Weaver,
Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us.
It sounds like you have your hands full with your twins. It also sounds like you all have been through quite a bit. I can only share with you my lived experience around raising kids (I have three - two young adults and primary aged child) and would really encourage you to speak to a child therapist who is well equipped to offer you professional advice and guidance.
What did resonate with me when I was reading your post was that my three children (around 5 years) also became very concerned with people in our family dying, including myself and my husband. I think this may actually be a common thing around this age group because they start to better understand and grasp the idea around death.
I found (and this is just my experience) the best thing was to just reassure them in a calm manner that everyone in the family was okay every time they asked. I would also make a point of changing the subject to something more playful and distracting to help break the pattern of thought. I find (even to this day) that my kids feed off my energy so if am calm and reassuring (even if I have to pretend) that seems to help calm them.
I am also wondering whether your children's concerns around germs, washing hands etc is related to pandemic. I don't mean COVID specifically but if you children are five years old a lot of their informative early years would have been during lockdown where wearing masks, washing hands constantly, etc was the norm. I remember watching little kids during the lockdown stage wearing masks and thinking how sad it was that was their way of understanding how life was.
I would also encourage you to get some support for yourself. Do you have a GP you feel comfortable speaking to about how you are feeling? I think sometimes as a mum we are so use to putting our kids before ourselves (particularly when they are little) we forget the importance of also taking care of our own needs.
I wish you and your boys all the best and really encourage you to speak to a therapist that specialises in young children.
Warm wishes,
FloatingFeather
