WillySenior Contributor
Finally Found- A CBT-p Practitioner- Part 5b
Unexpected outcomes
The chart above show a significant peak around mid October 2022. There was a lot of things going on in my life at the time creating a lot of stress. If I had been using my previous medication regime, I would have started ramping up the dosage a couple of weeks before hand but I decided to take the chance and stay with the new psychological practices while at the same time keeping a very nervous eye on the pill packet. After my experiences with the Victorian mental health authorities in Dec 2021, the last thing I needed was to have a psychotic episode and finish up in a hospital again.
On the evening of the 12th October I realised that I was drifting in and out of a psychosis. I went online to the a forum that I use these days for psychotic support and just stated typing
12/10/2022 23:07
“Something is not right. I am not exactly having a psychotic episode but I'm drifting in and out of "unshared reality" . I have been trying to play my clarinet but finding it difficult to focus. In the last 48 hours I have become obsessive about the possibility of an immanent nuclear war but a couple of people I have tried to talk to about it just laugh at me and tell me not to be stupid…...”
Within a few minutes someone joined me. We exchanged a few words but it was more about just having someone to connect with. Over the next 24 hours the episode passed without incident. At its peak, my partner had been sitting in the other room watching TV. She wasn’t even aware that anything had happened.
To say this was a weird and somewhat life changing experience would be an understatement.
There are numerous contemporary accounts of people who have been diagnosed with things like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder who have learnt how to master these experiences and step in and out them without getting caught up or trapped in the inevitable chaos.
These sorts of experiences, have been recorded for centuries, often in a religious context, by people commonly referred to as mystics. They have reported encountering terrifying numinous powers that are beyond comprehension or understanding.
Others have reported these sorts of states as one of intense creativity. Poet-songwriter Leonard Cohen said in an in interview toward the end of his life that he had absolutely no idea where the words of his poetry/songs came from. They just “arrive out of nowhere”.
Some have reported that these experiences provide them with powerful understandings about the meaning and purpose to life. For many, particularly those who suffer mental health problems, life often seems to have become devoid of meaning. This flow of meaning from this “unshared reality” experience has been described as vast and as boundless as human imagination.
Their are some who claim that madness has its own patterns of perfectly reasonable logic and order which is just different in an unusual way. This is the language of madness that I was introduced to during these past therapy sessions.
It seems that a sense of connection with everything including other human beings is what makes the difference between being able to swim in these waters and drowning in them.
A useful analogy that my therapist suggested was one of surfing. Surfing the waves of emotion and imagination as they rise and fall in the realm of unshared reality
Surfing waves of emotion and imagination. The realm of unshared reality
Having just caught my first wave, I certainly make no claims to be a competent surfer but the exhilaration of this experience was enough to make me want to grab my board and paddle out to that deep water to try again.
It is both disappointing and destructive that so many people, particularly so called professional helpers try to block or prevent others from journeying through these psychological spaces in search of a happier, more productive life. In my opinion, this happens not only because of mainstream ignorance and lack of imagination around what mental illness is about, but also because these experiences represent what we’re all most afraid of.
If you took the time to listen
If you had the heart to hear
What you’d see within my madness
Is the shadow of your fear
Can a neuro-typical normal person transcend this non reality mind space into controlled madness? I can see no theoretical reason why not except that it would require sufficient motivation to overcome the inherent, existential fear. I suspect that many neuro-typical people would find it difficult to muster enough motivation to keep at it for long enough to get tangible results.
The advantage of being naturally mad is that life sort of throws you into the deep water. You have no choice. You have to learn to swim or you drown.
In other words, you don’t have to be mad but it probably helps.
Regards
Willy
References
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validity, utility, and effects on psychotherapy research. Clinical Psychology Review 33 (2013)
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5. Edwina Light etc Involuntary psychiatric treatment in the community: general practitioners and the implementation of community treatment orders. The Royal Australian College of General Practitioners Vol 44 No 7 July 2015
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Community treatment orders in Australia: rates and patterns of use
Australas Psychiatry 2012 20: 478 originally published online 6 November 2012
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Pharmacy and Therapeutics Vol. 35 No. 11 • November 2010
9. Levine B: Do You Still Believe in the “Chemical Imbalance Theory of Mental Illness”?
Mad in America - May 1, 2022
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Division of Psychiatry, University College London, UK
North East London Foundation Trust, UK
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