Alcohol and BPD advice on a conversation

Hi, just an update. Tonight I came home late from work. I had spoken to my daughter earlier and asked if she could get the potatoes ready for dinner as I knew I'd be late. I rang before I left and found out that she had done the potatoes much earlier and were more than ready. She sounded obviously sober but a little annoyed that I was still at work (it was after 7).

When I came home she hadn't been drinking but did come out to say that she was going to get 1 bottle of red as she has decided that she is going to see the new year in sober for the first time it is has probably been at least 5 years so tonight will be her last night.

As she was in a good mood (thankfully), I spoke to her about how I was unable to sleep last night worrying about her drinking and how that affects her treatment (?). I also mentioned that I was unable to buy one of her expensive meds (off label for ADHD so not as important as the others) which she would have been able to buy herself if she hadn't drunk so much. Honestly, as soon as that came out of my mouth, I mentally smacked my head as I know it's important on how I word things but she apologised and said she understood my issue.

She has also committed (as much as she truly can) to reduce her drinking in the new year as she is getting bariatric surgery next year to lose the 50kgs that she has put on in the last 12 months due to her medications and depression struggles. For the surgery to be successful, alcohol should be avoided for up to 2 years which she knew about before telling me that she wanted to do it. We also have to pay a $250 deposit for the surgery next week which she has promised that she will contribute.

So anyway, she stayed true to her word and only bought a single normal sized bottle. That was 2.5 hours ago and she is still sober or at least not drunk.

For the first time she is also in a positive mood regarding her psychotherapy treatments next year. Normally she is only like this when she is undergoing group therapy in the clinic. We are looking at doing some equine assisted therapy sessions next year that she researched (normally I'm the one who does it). She has also admitted that her best psychologist she had when she was 14 worked so well because they did art therapy in that she did art while talking with the therapist. I still would like her to do MBT and schema therapy but I have suggested that we find someone who does art therapy as well.

So all in all, I'm feeling much more hopeful tonight. I know that this isn't a straight line but that I should remember that the positive times do happen and to remember them when we're in the middle of a crisis. It is so easy to give up when things are bad and to get sucked in to the negativity of the time but I will try to remain positive.

Thank you for letting me share

So she hasn't gone and gotten a bottle of wine because I got upset when she told me she was going to go down and get one despite what she said last night. We were supposed to spend the night together sober and now she is holed up in her bed looking at her guinea pigs. I've just heard the little handheld vacuum cleaner start up so she's cleaning their cage. I suppose it's better than her doing nothing except putting herself down. I asked of she was going to come out and she just said maybe. What a fitting end to yet another year. I just hope we don't end next year like this one or worse.

Hi Rp79, keep up the fine fight

My son has just been diagnosed with BPD and i totally get what you are saying

Its been 10 -15 years of hard slog and drama after drama especially when alcohol is involved

It is such an insidious disease and unless you have it or live with with someone who has it it can be very very hard to understand

I take my hat off to everyone who works so hard to do their best for their loved ones. It takes its toll. At times many hours of being out searching, not knowing where they are such as I have done twice over the last week. Putting up with outbursts that seem to come out of nowhere because of the inner turmoil they are experiencing. Picking up the pieces after theyve done something at the time they where in breakdown mode

It certainly at times feels like ou have lost all control of your own life and thats probably because you have

As i said keep up the good work and that goes for all of us parents, carers etc who keep fighting in the hope that they can improve and have some quality of life x

Thanks @Rusty7

Today was a bit better. I go to see my Stepdad every Sunday to visit and help him with things, so I was away for a bit today but my daughter seemed pretty good and came out and spoke to me a few times.

I'm still researching some new therapy options and spoke to her about some of them and she was positive about some when we were talking about them. And she's now out of money for another week so at least she won't be buying more alcohol for a bit.

Ok, has your daughter tried DBT

My son is about to start it. I am hoping it will help. Have a good day

Hi, yes she has. She had a 12 week group course as an outpatient. It was good and we did see improvement, however it was by no means enough.