BPD, treatment resistant depression, anxiety and ADHD

Man I am struggling. I got into hospital but then promptly got kicked out. My own fault. Feel guilty and regret my actions. It was just starting to help as well. Really not sure where to go from here. Private hospitals sent me to public, public told me to call CTT, CTT told me to call ATT, ATT said they cant help. Then ended up going to ED and getting lectured for not having a heart attack or something more understandable? Im not exactly sure. Finally I ended up at a treatment center and then I got kicked out on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas to me. I feel like such a failure.