What is wrong with me?

I know that its been a stressful time lately and all that, but why do I get to the point where I start to have really bad and dark thoughts and that? I can't cope with what goes on inside my head. I'm in physical, mental and emotional pain (the physical pain is not helping me at all). 'Numbing' it isn't helping and it's only getting worse. Other than putting a stop to it myself I don't know what else I can do....I'm absolutely over myself and these thoughts.

I tried to speak to Beyondblue earlier, but it was a useless conversation that led to nowhere....I'm done with 'reaching out for help'