In a turmoil, Don't know what to do.

Hi guys,

Feeling extremely depressed since last few months, not being focused on anything. Feel like I am self sabotaging my career. I am not able to get up in the morning resulting in loss of work, and have no motivation to do so. I have experienced extreme trauma during childhood, but my teenage years were okay, and I studied well, too. I am an engineer and moved to another country. Living here for 5 years and suddenly hit the rock bottom. I am not being able to do anything. My mind is stuck at the point that I think whatever I'll do, things will go wrong. Feeling like my peers are way ahead of me, and I am feeling worthless. I have lost interest in everything, not talking to people, friends, family. I am being so isolated, and I cannot talk to anyone. Feeling crazy disoriented and do not know how to get up. I am afraid of medication for anxiety and depression. Need to get up and support my family. I don't know what will happen, also have suicidal tendencies.