SnowdropSenior Contributor
My son, his 10+ years of depression, anxiety, stress - and me
I have posted about my son and his issues with depression, anxiety, stress, sleeping problems on other messages (when there have been similar issues), but have decided to start a new thread for me - because I want to post with just my positive and negative comments as I need to. As I mentioned in a few posts, I don't have anyone I can talk to and I know that I bottle things up because of this, but I have found some help in being able to put my thoughts down. For over 10 years I have been walking a tightrope with a much loved but very difficult son. I go one step forward but then two steps back - and on the odd occasion when I have felt I have taken 2 steps forward and I feel so happy, I get knocked back by 3 steps back.
My son is not the easiest person in the world to get on with, in fact I am honest and say he is difficult, but he does have genuine depression, anxiety, stress and sleeping issues. He is under the care of a doctor and psychiatrist and also sees a psychologist - until he starts to feel better, then he stops going, and then has no support except me when he has an issue.
He does not speak to his siblings because he does not feel that they give him the help and support he feels they should give him. They believe that despite his issues he has a sense of entitlement and expects too much from them and then is very nasty when they do not give him the help/support that he thinks he needs. They now will not speak to him because they say he has to apologise, he says they must make contact with him and apologise for not speaking to him and saying whatever it was they said.
He has been nasty on the phone to me (we live in different states), sometimes yelling at me and hanging up on me, but then he will apologise later and either not say why, or will say that his medication needs changing etc. I will be honest about it and say that I know that his medication has to be upped and downed and changed on a regular basis so some of those times I know that will be the genuine reason.
As mentioned in my previous posts I have been to counselling but received little help at all from either psychologist I saw. I ring lifelife and the sane counselling line when I hit a really bad patch and it is good to talk to them and for that short while I feel listened to and someone understands, but then I put the phone down and I am then left waiting for the next call from my son and I am dreading it - dreading that he may be feeling really depressed and hasn't been able to eat or get up and I sit on the phone and talk to him for an hour, or two hours or more and I just keep my fingers crossed and watch my words because I want to make him better - I don't want to make him worse - which may lead to who knows what.
My son does not have friends. When he is ok he has a lovely nature but when he is down he is really down and I this chases people away - I think they can't cope with the mood swings and the negativity - this then just adds to his negativity and his stress. I wish he had friends both for his sake and for mine. Him because he would have someone to chat to and talk his problems with - me because selfishly I would get a bit of breathing space. I will always be his 'carer' with regards his mental issues - talking about his depressions, moods etc but I would like a break.
As I write this, I realise that there are others with children with what seem like worse problems than I have - but to me, mine are just driving me down and down and I'm finding it hard to find much joy in things. It's not that I am miserable all the time, but all the time - even when I am doing pleasurable things he is lurking in the corner of my mind and I am wondering how he is and if he is ok - and dreading the phone ringing.
He is self employed and although has no savings does manage to earn enough to pay his rent and his bills - well most of them anyway. I do help him now and again and although I don't get it all back he does try by giving me a little at a time.
He rang a while ago and he started talking about how he is going to work with a person he ocasionally works with and build up a bigger business - based on the work he currently does. He is capable - but my heart sank, what if it doesn't work, what if he is thinking it will work but it won't - if it starts and then fails. But then I know that if his sibling said the same thing I would just check if he had covered all the basis and then say - be careful, do all the figures and good luck. With this son though I automatically worry it will fail because I wonder how he will feel and what it will do to him if he starts it and it fails.
That's not fair to him, because he is good at what he does so why shouldn't it work? But what if it doesn't?. Am I worried because I am going to be on the end of his anxiousness, stress, depression if things start to go a little wrong - Yes, I agree I am.
I do not know what to do for the best - not just on this one thing but on the day to day things. How can I encourage him without discouraging him? How can I keep my mouth closed so I don't say the wrong thing because I know what the reaction will be and then I am worried about the consequences. I walk on eggs most of the time and I am tired!!!
I have found that writing on here, with the little positive things as well as the horrible negatives ones has been a help in that I feel not so lonely.
So if people don't mind I will continue to post my 1 step forward and 2 steps back and hope people will bear with me. And if you have any suggestions I would love to hear from you. I've tried all the - go for a walk, have a coffee, etc etc, but someone may have an idea of what else I can do - or even at pointing out what the heck I am doing wrong.
) He has asked if I will do the books for him. I know I am quite capable of doing them - so why do I hesitate at jumping right in and saying yes I will do them?
and if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions would love to hear them. I do realise I am asking questions that seem odd, but they do all influence how I cope as my sons carer.
