FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

help me please

BrokenMirrorNew Contributor

help me please

I have DID, dissociative identity disorder, and recently its been interfering with my life a lot, whenever im in a stressful or emotional situation, one of my alters takes over, and then I say so much terrible stuff i act like a horrible person sometimes its even directed at my friends... but i dont even remember saying it when I'm back in control... i remember nothing i just have a blank gap in my memories. if im lucky it happens over text and i can backread, but if its in a conversation i literally have no idea what i said...

the worst part is apologising to people afterwards since they always accuse me of faking the apology and not being sincere, but how the hell am i supposed to be sincere when I dont even know why i said something, when i have no recollection of it?? and i cant even explain to most people since theyve never even heard of DID or only know misconceptions and stigmas...

is there any way i can stop saying stuff like that i regret when my alters take over? or maybe at least a way for me to be aware of what i say and have the ability to genuinely apologise??

Ive literaly lost friends because of this in the past, and yesterday i upset an online friend of mine in their server, causing a whole chain reaction of people being mad at me

and ive been crying every moment im alone without my parents watching... cause what i said was such a terrible thing to say... and i feel so bad, but that person.. my frien- well past friend, wont even believe my apologies, they think theyre all insincere, and i cant do anything to convince them otherwise and repair the friendship

please help me... im so done with all this... perhaps i should just stop being friends with anyone thats the only solution i can think of that would work

6 replies

1 - 6 of 6
1

In response to: help me please

Unknown userMember

Re: help me please

hey @BrokenMirror, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I know it can be scary to reach out for support in a new place, so welcome ❤️

I'm so sorry that you've lost some friends because of this. I don't have DID, but I know my MH and being neurodivergent has contributed to the loss/ending of friendships. It felt like I had no control over what happened and that there was no solution. I get the sense you feel similar?

Firstly, this thread here has a few of our members with DID and i thought I'd tag @Albert2 who recently joined the forums and the DID thread.

I can't answer your questions, but I'm wondering what kind of support you have around you to talk about this? It sounds like support of a caring professional could be really useful!

In response to: help me please

Unknown userMember

Re: help me please

@BrokenMirror I know for sure that feeling of wanting to give up friends all together. But I bet you have a lot to give, and it might just take time to figure out how to cope ❤️

In response to: help me please

Albert2Senior Contributor

Re: help me please

Hi @BrokenMirror

I am so sorry to hear your story, good friends are so important for emotional support, to be losing them in this way must be horrible. I haven’t experienced this, most of my adult alters mimic me when out in public, my friends have met some of them but not suspected it wasn’t me. Occasionally I one of them will say something I wouldn’t have said but nothing serious.

It sounds like an angry alter at work. I agree with @Former-Member that you need professional support, I would suggest a Psychologist who is DID savvy rather than a Psychiatrist but who ever you are most comfortable with. Do it urgently, this something you need to get on top of quickly.

I hope this works out for you, let us know how you go, I will be thinking of you 💜

In response to: help me please

NatureLoverSenior Contributor

Re: help me please

Hi and welcome, @BrokenMirror ...I can really hear your distress 😞

I agree with @Former-Member and @Albert2 about finding a good psychologist.

I have found personally that being open about my mental health reduces stigma. I wonder if telling your friends about your alters would help? Of course, I realise I don't have alters, and that it's such a personal decision, whether to disclose or not.

Good luck, @BrokenMirror ...

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

In response to: Re: help me please

Little_LeopardSenior Contributor

Re: help me please

Hi @BrokenMirror .

I 100% agree with everything that @Albert2 @has said.

please go and get your self A DID psychologist who can work with you.
A good psychologist will help you with your DID and will also be good help work though all of your worries.

In response to: Re: help me please

Little_LeopardSenior Contributor

Re: help me please

Thanks @Former-Member I didn’t know about that thread . I’ll have to go and check it out for myself.

1 - 6 of 6
1

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

SANE is a public company limited by guarantee and registered tax-exempt charity with DGR (Deductible Gift Recipient) status.

Charity ABN 92 006 533 606. Donations of $2 or more are tax deductible. SANE, PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053.