Social isolation after realising your support network is less supportive than you thought

Hey there @Oryx

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for posting about what you are going through, and sharing how you are feeling with us on the forums today!

It does sound like you are finding it a bit tough at the moment, and how you're feeling right now is completely valid.

As @Gwynn has said above, it can be really tricky navigating and nurturing new friendships when you are an adult, especially if your workplace is not as social as others, or you aren't connected to many group events/ community groups.

What really helped me when I isolated myself due to mental health, and came back and realised I had lost some friends because of it, was realising that the friends that leave you during a really tough time, are probably not the friends that you need around you at the moment. It can be really tough coming to that realisation especially after being with that certain friend group for 4-5 years, but its also important to remember that time does not mean much in friendships (and by that I mean, you could meet someone tomorrow and they could be a way better friend than a friend that you have had for the past 10 years).

In saying this, a great way to put yourself out there is to join things that you genuinely like doing (for example; I joined a workout class that I actually enjoy, and by doing this, I have now met some amazing like minded people that I get along with really well socially). This could be anything, and the more niche the better because then you will meet more similar people to you!

I hope that this helps a little bit,

All the best,

Amber22

Hey @Oryx,

The others are right @Gwynn @amber22, it is so hard to make new connections as an adult. I think that technology has removed a lot of the physical opportunities too. I would also suggest joining a group in the community, this can then branch out to other friendships too. Or maybe do something you have never even dreamt about?? I was just looking at maybe doing a few pottery classes (I was inspired by the Netflix series The Watcher). I have never done anything like that before nor has it ever been anything that was even on my radar.

Hope you can find some connections on here too. The forums are alive with lots of social spaces and threads. You might find some cool peeps to connect with 😁

https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/bd-p/le-forum-0003

I feel for you …not only do you have an episode but you have to deal with rejection. Funnily enough your so called friends probably do the mental health charity runs etc but once they encounter anyone with an existing problem they hide under a rock. Unfortunately that’s the stark reality.
I think perhaps the signs may have been there and you might have missed them . We don’t trust our instincts enough.
Best thing I’ve ever done is buy a dog he kind of fills a lot of gaps in my life but I’m nearly 60 and your 28.
One thing I noticed in your post was your attitude towards being admitted to hospital and the people there. Getting admitted is sometimes a real opportunity to find like minded people and make connections. People with mental illness are often really great to talk to no matter how off the planet we may be when we’re sick. I’d rather have a conversation with them than some fake that might sound like their saying all the right things but dumps you when life gets tough.

Hi and welcome, @Oryx , it's good you've joined, where poeple can understand what you're going through.

I'm sorry to hear what you've experienced 😞

When I had my 3 -year nervous breakdown, I lost all my friends except two, a married couple. I had to start again. I started volunteering, and that was the best thing I could have done. I also started an art class in the local area. But it was the volunteering that provided my new friends. The art class was friendly but I didn't get any lasting friends out of it, just people to bump into on the street and say a friendly hello to.

I understand you are working, so volunteering may be harder for you as you may want to relax after work, but I do encourage it. It also helps with what you wrote, "feeling part of something bigger". A lot of places struggle to get volunteers on the weekend, as people want to spend time with their families...for instance, opp shops.

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

In many ways I get where you are at. I’ve just been diagnosed with Bipolar/ADHD and it’s incredible how some people, even family, are just really confronted by what you’re going through to the point where they back right off.

I’m trying to build out my support network right now so maybe I can share what I’m trying:

I’m looking at joining a gym class - I figure good for my mental health, good to meet new people.

I’ve joined a meditation class, a safe place to centre myself and share experiences with people.

I have faith in God and I’ve found other people who struggle with chronic mental illness that I go to church with/connect with there. Also, Christians love to help so you can get good community support from

people who are at least trying (even if they don’t get it) to be non-judgemental and help.

I play basketball with the few friends that I have left, and try not to make that time about mental illness. It’s all consuming sometimes, believe me I know, but I’m trying to find times where I can just ‘be’ without all of the stuff I’m struggling with.

I’m also looking for support groups through an app, ‘MeetUp’, so I can find like minded people who get what I’m going through. I’m only at the start of this journey but there is stuff there, like social groups etc. I’ll let you know how that goes 😂

hopefully this helps to get your creative juices flowing. Thanks for posting this, it’s actually helped me too to share this with you.

Sending love from where I am to where you are, and remember that you are not alone ❤️