Newbie

Hi @Nelly4

Welcome to the SANE forums. We're very glad to have you here, and thank you for sharing your story.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time right now. Suicidal feelings can be so overwhelming, and it sounds like you have had a lot going on that has taken up a lot of your energy already.

I've struggled with suicidal feelings myself, and even when I was in a good place personally, they were still an incredibly complex thing to process and manage.

It might be good to look into if there are supports that could be helpful for you and these thoughts, when you feel you are able to. You could check in with your GP, and SANE also offers a range of services for support too.

I'm pretty concerned that you felt like you could easily take your life to stop the pain, so I wanted to pass on some crisis resources in case you end up feeling that way again.

Hi @Nelly4,

It's really nice to have you on the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is really brave of you to reach out and share you story with us - I know that isn't always easy for some people, particularly in the beginning.

I'm really sorry to read how you are feeling. It sounds like you have gone through a lot, and things are particularly tough for you right now.

That must of been incredibly difficult losing both your parents five weeks apart and to have your son go through his own struggles with being unwell and suicidal it is very understandable you would feel exhausted (I am really glad to read things have settled down for you son now). A few years ago a close family member of mine was regularly suicidal - as his only support person (outside his professional team) it was incredibly hard on both myself and my family member. I was constantly concerned about his safety and often in a hyper-vigilant state. I was so busy taking care of my family member I didn't realise I was drowning too and also needed support.

It would also be challenging for you to have your medication regularly changing - hopefully your professional team is on the fast track to finding you the right ones very soon. I'm glad to read you have a great psychologist and psychiatrist - that's great that you have professionals on your team that you really value. Are you able to reach out to either/both of them today? As @Former-Member said if at anytime you need crisis support please reach out to the numbers that have been provided in that post.

I am really glad you have reached out on the Forums. Please continue to reach out as the Forums are here 24/7. Please know we are listening and sitting with you through this hard time and wish you nothing but the best.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

Thank you for your reply @FloatingFeather. Today I’ve been keeping myself busy and feeling a little better. I’ll be seeing my Pychologist next Tuesday. I’ve got plans to catch up with friends for a dinner on the weekend. I’m making excuses in my head to cancel going. However I know it’ll be beneficial to get out and spend sometime with others so I’m going to push myself to go. I know there’s no instant fix to feeling this way so I’m trying all my coping strategies to get through this. Thank you again for reaching out to me.

I'm glad to read you are feeling a little better @Nelly4 - it's a good idea to keep yourself busy. It's also good you are seeing your psychologist in a few days so you can chat around how you are feeling.

I think you going out to dinner on the weekend when you probably really don't want to is a clever and brave thing for you to do. I was feeling a bit down and tired yesterday and had dinner plans with some old friends. I also didn't want to go and started to think of reasons I could excuse myself. Long story short, I went and had one of the best nights I have had in a long time. Hopefully that will be your experience too.

It sounds like you have some good coping strategies and it's great you are using them. Unfortunately, as you said, there is no quick fix but from my experience those small steps make the bigger steps possible 🙂.

Take care and keeping reaching out if you need to.

FloatingFeather

Hey @Nelly4

Welcome to the forum.

That is a huge grief load.

Glad you have some supports in place, but still it is extremely triggering as a mum caring for an adult with MH issues. I struggle with it. It sets off all sorts of alarm bells inside where I feel driven to turn every stone to help, but it seems endless, and I do despair at times. Still we got this far. I am sometimes surprised I have survived.

Keep hanging in there and I pray things turn a corner soon for you and your family.