Separation

Dear @Jim78 ,

Thank you for sharing what has been happening for you. It sure sounds like a challenging time for the whole family.

I just wanted to pop by to let you know that I have read and heard what you have written and that you are not alone.

I look forward to hearing others' insights your situation - from people who can share their lived experience.

Please take care, tyme

Good morning @Jim78

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, it must be really difficult for you, especially after being together for so long.

I am sitting with you during this tough time and sending you lots of strength ❤️

It can be hard hearing peoples feelings have changed towards us, and it can be really confronting when it comes out of the blue or we aren't aware that they might have had a change of heart. However, although it can be hurtful, the important thing to remember is that we are only responsible for our own feelings, and not for the feelings of others. Although we might want to try and change how they are feeling, it would be a lot more beneficial to rather focus on healing ourselves and getting ourselves through this tough situation.

I love the fact that you suggested couples counselling to your partner, and it really sounds like you are trying to put your family first in this situation, but as your partner has stated that they don't want to do couples counselling and would rather go by themselves, I think it is best to leave this idea for now.

I think it would really benefit you to also see a counsellor or mental health professional by yourself too. As you're willing to see one with your partner, going by yourself might open up a new perspective to the situation, and no doubt will help you navigate your way through this healing journey.

All the best,

Amber22

@Jim78

Sounds like a tough situation, and you were open to counselling. The way some people talk about "feelings" seems so immature to me it put me off talking about them (like we live in a Hollywood movie), though it is seen to be the "right" thing to do in some therapy circles. I also thought trying to make a marriage and family work was the right thing to do. Its become a complicated world. Take Care of you too.

Hi @Jim78,

I really feel for what you are going through. It is never an easy feeling when one person in a marriage doesn't feel the same way or want the same as the other partner. My friend was married for 30 years (childhood sweethearts) and her husband left and has since got engaged and had another child with a new partner. My friend felt like she was at the mercy or his choices around the marriage. She also wanted to go to couples counselling but her husband at the time didn't want to go.

It's hard to know where to from here if your wife is not open to working on your marriage. The fact that she said she is considering a separation hopefully indicates that she hasn't made a final decision and may be open to staying in the marriage? Do you have a trusted friend or family member to talk to about this? Maybe give her some space and some thinking time. From my experience some people think the grass is greener on the other side until they get to the other side.

I would also encourage you to think about what you want from the marriage? You have a say in it too.

I wish you all the best - take care.

FloatingFeather

Please take care @Jim78 . If you feel the need to step away, please do so - for your own safety.

There is hope. Hold on.