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Advice needed

Lula2Casual Contributor21 Sept 2022, 5:15 pm AEST

Advice needed

BEREFT

Needing some help or advice as a first time poster!

Ive had an awful time with my partner splitting at a dinner party he held for my friends . He became negative and turned against one of my friends and the couple left. he then turned on my so i left. the next day he blocked me on everything and sent nasty messages to my friend about how disrespectful they were and ive had a few days of constant anxiety .

3 days later he has sent them apologies (none of them understand his illness and are all very angry and worried that he is just abusive) - yet he is calling me telling me i am still selfish for wanting to try and sort it out and I'm at fault. Weve been together 2 years, ive dealt with 3 splits before , just between us, that were completely irrational and solved in a few days.

Now that me friends are involved its so difficult - they are getting apologies yet i am being told he cant speak to me, dont try or im blocked.

Would really appreciate some advice on how to dal with this . He messages me to open a converstaion , but when i try to express my emotions I am completely shut down and told if i go on im blocked. Please help .

He is diagnosed, medicated as much as possible, and attends regular psych appointments.

2 replies

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In response to: Advice needed

wellwellwellnezSenior Contributor21 Sept 2022, 10:15 pm AEST

Re: Advice needed

I had a relationship once with a lot blocking, in response to disagreements. To this day, I'm pretty sure that's not what they're for. (Although, as an avoidant personalty, I've been known to ghost from time to time. Generally because I'm in avoidant mode rather than to "send a message" but it sometimes gets taken that way).

There is a general principle/observation that's been around. Relationship people have noticed that people tend to talk about tough things when they come up, which is often the worst possible time, (AKA triggering events). So that's the observation. The principle is trying to going the other way and talking about the tough stuff when it's easier to talk about (makes the easy times more tough but also the tough stuff more easy). I'm not sure what data's been run on the idea, but it seems to make sense.

In response to: Advice needed

afterhoursSenior Contributor28 Sept 2022, 10:53 pm AEST

Re: Advice needed

I don’t think I have the skills to advise you ,so I can only give you my sympathy. You are in a sad and difficult situation. I dont want to make you feel worse, but would it be best to permanently end the
association this time. Your first duty is to keep yourself safe and healthy.,Best Wishes

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