At a loss...

I'm sorry to hear things are so dark at the moment @Loz_3647 .

What would you find helpful from these forums? It would be good to know what you hope to achieve from these forums so that we can perhaps direct you to relevant forums?

Hope to hear from you soon,

tyme

I'm sorry to hear things feel so dark and hopless for you at the moment, @Loz_3647 😞

I know the feeling...but it will pass, eventually. Wishing you some hope...

@Loz_3647 – there is an online site called 'alt2su', i.e. alternatives to suicide. It was suggested to me some months ago by a fellow forumite. I attended and found great relief being able to speak without censorship or fear of intervention. Just the means to be able to express what I was feeling, freely, was a great relief. It is on Tuesday and Thursday evening, as I recall. Perhaps you may find it of benefit to you. I have attended on two separate occasions and found it beneficial.

Just remember, @Loz_3647, life can be extremely trying at times, and sometimes it seems that there is no end, but there will be better days ahead. Bad times, however dreadful, come and go. Just stick it out.

Have a good day today, @Loz_3647. I send you my best wishes.

I’m in the same dark place, but now that I’m old (49), I’m less at a loss.
When I consider what the world is…what it was, and what it could have been, I conclude that it’s them, more than it is me. It’s true, I don’t have a job. I’ve tried. And I couldn’t hold on to one anyway. I’ve tried. They don’t want someone who doesn’t show up sometimes, or is late, despite every effort not to be, or feeling like I’ve walked in from a downpour through a tornado. And I don’t expect them to accept me this way. Most of them have deadlines that mean nothing important. In that they are enslaved to a lifestyle that is killing the planet, reducing the chance for longevity on it, is wasteful and self serving, and just running along like a blind horse with its tail on fire. They light their children’s tails on fire when they have them, teaching them nothing that will actually benefit anyone but themselves. I didn’t have that childhood, and I used to wish I’d had…so I could be functional and normal too. But now I know better: things for me can’t be any different than they are. And as I’m being truly honest about it, deep down, I never did want to go stat quo on my feelings or my life. In my heart, I couldn’t commit to the empty pursuits of selfishness that masquerades as purpose. I couldn’t pretend to find self-esteem in the show of successful living. All of which is merely ruining life for people who are literally enslaved in exploited countries, as the raw materials and resources that support the lifestyles we have are extracted and exported for manufacture and production, also by people suffering under inhumane conditions. And we get television, and movies, and mobile phones, and weekends away, and holidays, and the latest tech and lots of leisure, while we blindly pretend that our choices on who to run for political office or if iOS is better than Android have no impact on those slaves’ lives. In a globalist world, its impact is direct and definite. So yeah, I’m better off now. I may be sad and depressed, but I’m not a self-serving, hedonistic liar, assuaging my cognitive dissonance with lies like “If I can help the life of one person…” or “There’s nothing I can do about people on the other side of the planet.”… In a sense, I feel that this is my purpose: to shine the light on the hypocrisy of people who live on easy street, not just super rich, but the middle classes of developed nations, whose relatively happy lives are paid for by exploitation.

Mate, there is more than one option. But it’s those others that you might not really identify with. Those other options are “blue pill” options. And there are many shades of blue. They make the world a tasty delight when you find the one that works. The red pill, on the other hand, (“Matrix” reference if you didn’t already know), is the one we are dealt with. Either because of biochemical preconditioning, genetics, epigenetic and such, or environmental shaping of our psyche when we are young, or, a combination of both, we are this way. Whatever the reasons we focus on the shadows that surround, like the nefarious workings of society, whether it’s the familial, the local community, the greater cause/effect that shapes the world, we cannot choose to dismiss it. That’s when and how we become incapable…which leads to a cognitive dissonance that throws us into depression and anxiety. And so we try to shape ourselves in ways that work for others. Unless we find the blue pill that numbs our perceptions, we remain depressed and in pain. But if we look upon our pain as a gift, appreciate it, and not succumb to the wishes of being like others, it can help us to identify the things that ail humanity. It sounds obnoxious to many people when I say this, and I’m not trying to raise us up as better humans or anything. But I am saying there are levels of capacity for everyone in every endeavour. Not all can feel music and compose like Mozart or understand quantum mechanics like Hawkins, and that is accepted and understood. So musicians form bands and orchestras, scientists discuss at symposiums, the greedy form multinational corporations that exploit… Mate, I read in a book, “The Diamond Cutter”, a valuable line attributed to Siddharta, “Can we be like the lotus flower? Can we swallow the pain, confusion and suffering of life? And use it? Thrive on it. To become one of life’s rare and precious jewels? -A truly compassionate person.” This is what many of us who suffer have to offer. But we must not run from it.

On point @Pretzelstyk 🙏

How are you going @Loz_3647? Sending you best wishes.