PoodlePigContributor
Ideation
TW: rape
I feel like everyone I've ever gotten close to is narcissistic and they all try to leach off me in various ways so no I don't really have anyone I can trust or go to. I have a form of psychosis and I get discriminated against for it by the people I live with generally or the people from my University - which I graduated from thankfully. It happens at work. I can't tell what is me being paranoid and what is people genuinely going out of their way to hurt me so they can compete with me. My work is stressful and I'm trying to save up for a house so I don't have the risk of getting kicked out again. I know I am being stalked and I am somewhat well known. But I don't have the money to get protection legally and police just gaslight me further and invalidate all of the concerns as if I am perfectly safe and nothing wrong is going on. I have been punched outright in the street by some random guy and knocked out. I have been raped countless times. I can't really go anywhere because I assume men will try to corner me into something. I don't really want to leave my room. No one shows me empathy or kindness yet they expect me to help them at my own expense. If anything they all put me down. I don't really feel like I am actually a woman so I think I'm trans but my family and a lot of family connections are homophobic and transphobic so I can't ever feel like I can be myself. All I have in my life is work so my money means a lot to me because it reflects my time and effort but I have a sister who tries to intimidate me into giving her money and if I don't she attacks me and smears me only to come crawling back later to try to get more money and its clear she doesn't care about me but expects me to look out for her.
