Anxious Agoraphobiac Monther-In-law

Welcome @Ferret ! Welcome to the forums 🙂

Thank you for reaching out. It's tough when you know there's a better kind of normal, yet the other person has no idea.

The hardest part is that she doesn't think there is a problem. Unless there's a realisation that how she is feeling is not healthy, there's only so much you can do.

Does her husband speak to her about it? Has anyone tried speaking to her about it?

tyme

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Her husband and daughter have spoken to her about it and she knows how they feel.
Her husband could possibly do more but he can be difficult to deal with as well.
Sister in law has 2 young kids to deal with, she does what she can but has her hands full.

I’m interstate with my wife.

Its hard watching everyone be miserable and nothing change for 4 years.

Trying to help her is an uphill battle with little success.

Apart from dragging her to a doctor we are out of ideas to try.

I hear you @Ferret . It sounds tough. Does she go out with her husband or other family members? I hear she is afraid to go alone (fair enough), but is she willing to go out if others take her?

If so, I'm thinking maybe she attend social outings etc as part of a groups program? I know in my area, every thursday evening at 7pm, they run walking groups in a shopping centre lol. Sounds weird, but over 20 people join to walk, then have a snack together. It's a council initiative to get people out.

Hi @Ferret

Welcome to the forums. Thankyou for sharing your story & concerns for your mother in law.

I am a little agoraphobic myself. I feel overwhelmed, especially in large crowds. Places I am unfamiliar with can make me anxious, because I need to feel safety in knowing what to expect.

I was also in complete denial. I think I realised that I felt anxious, although I told myself that if I needed to go out, I could - therefore, what was the problem?

Your mother in law likely does not see it as being as big as issue as you.

I personally prefer my own space. I do make an effort to get out every few days.

When you say that she doesn't leave the house at all, it makes me think she is feeling very fearful. Agoraphobia & anxiety are a vicious cycle. The less you go out - the more anxiety you feel about going out etc.

She probably could benefit from some therapy. If she refuses medical help, maybe you could try introducing something like a meditation app.

Meditation can be a fantastic way of learning new skills to overcome anxiety. Eg. I count my breaths when waiting in line!

Smiling Mind is really good free app for beginners.

I think it comes down to her level of fear. Yes, it's irrational, however if it has been building up over 4 years, it is very real & significant to her & really deserves patience & respect.

How else could you or your family increase her feeling of safety?

Maybe a little dog to take for daily walks?

Maybe encourage her to go to the letterbox, the next day go to neighbours, the next day - walk to corner etc.

Hopefully this has been helpful, or at least maybe given you some different approaches to think about?

Kind regards,

maddison

How are things going for you @Ferret ? Any changes for your mother in law?

Thinking of you, tyme

@Ferret I hear your frustration. It's possible that being in her 60 has a great impact on her health both physically and mentally. Maybe it's not about what's wrong with her, but what happened to her. There're always reasons why some people are uncomfortable to be in chaotic or complicated settings. Being in that age also means that she is slower than she used to be. The way bus system operates sometimes is not elder-friendly. Younger people who get on the bus quicker, and just by moving faster can have impact on someone's mind who are not capable of moving as fast. Almost like a self-discriminations if that makes sense. This is not a conclusion by the way, but just a possible theory. It's very understandable for you to feel that giving her medication would help. But at the end of the day, an individual is an expert of their life and knows what's best for them. I wonder if it would work out for her if you try to catch the bus with her sometimes during the hours that's not too busy. Perhaps showing her around how it's done or where she can reach for help if there is danger during the ride. Sometimes it takes more than one bus route to get from A to B. It might be helpful to do that with her to start with so she can learn to be familiar with the bus number and the bus stand. x