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Constant monitoring of bf

Cinderella83Contributor11 Aug 2022, 1:06 pm AEST

Constant monitoring of bf

My partner who I've been with for almost 2 years allows me to 'check' on him. He originally thought it would help me be less paranoid but over time I've needed more and more access and I literally check half the day. It's my obsession!!! I've been obsessed with things before but they were more pleasant for example; makeup and pet's.

Unfortunately lately I've started telling him my intrusive thoughts quite a lot and he has been my support and ear. I've also been getting really upset, depressed and frustrated. I've been crying a lot.

He is sick of it and he's been talking to his friends online and wants to escape me.

What methods can I use to CHANGE my obsession to something else??? I have little hobbies and I'm pretty busy as it is but this current obsession is taking up a lot of my time and energy. It's very unpleasant.

6 replies

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In response to: Constant monitoring of bf

Unknown userMember11 Aug 2022, 2:16 pm AEST

Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Hey @Cinderella83, welcome to the forums! Thank you for reaching out for support. I hope you find our special community a great place ❤️

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling so upset and frustrated over all of this. It's never easy when we worry about a relationship, your obsessions sound particularly upsetting for you both. What kind of things have you been doing when you've been low?

I don't have much experience with trying to change an obsession, and I'm not sure what's causing this for you, but if you scroll to the bottom of the Lived Experience Forum, you can search these tags for anything which resonates with you? Some of our other forum users will hopefully pop in with ideas for you

What have you tried so far?

Here's a picture of the tags.

Welcome again,

TuxedoCat

In response to: Constant monitoring of bf

PaperdaisySenior Contributor11 Aug 2022, 2:25 pm AEST

Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Hi @Cinderella83 I can hear how distressing this obsession is for you and it sounds like it's difficult for your partner too.

I'm noticing this has happened before and I'm wondering if you have the support of a psychologist?

This must be so difficult to navigate and I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I will pop the number for our helpline here should you feel the need to speak to a counsellor.

All the best

In response to: Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Cinderella83Contributor11 Aug 2022, 4:23 pm AEST

Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Thank you. Yesterday I just decided to delete some of the ways I check. I also reduced my caffeine today in case that's increasing the anxiety around it and worsening it. I'm just feeling numb and distant today. I am trying to also just think in the moment. It's just day 1 though! I am thinking of getting a calendar and crossing off the days where I do good. Maybe if I get a certain amount I get a treat 😛

I would also like to hear others experiences and how they managed it.

In response to: Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Cinderella83Contributor11 Aug 2022, 4:24 pm AEST

Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Thank you for the link 🙂

I have a psychiatrist and I was meant to see a psychologist but unfortunately they didn't ring me and I didn't follow through. Unfortunately I'm bad at following through.

In response to: Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Unknown userMember11 Aug 2022, 4:43 pm AEST

Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Heya @Cinderella83, thank you for sharing those ideas, they sounds really great! And you should be so proud of reaching out for extra ideas and already deleting some of the ways you can check ❤️

And I'm sorry you're feeling so numb and distant today, thank you for sharing that with us here. And getting through moment to moment is such a good start. I know for me, when I'm feeling a little numb, I have a hot shower or a warm cup of tea to kinda wake up my senses. Do you have something like that?

Also, like @Paperdaisy said, if it's useful, you could call out drop-in line here at SANE? Their number is 1800 187 263 ❤️

And I just had an idea, I'm wondering if you could try some distraction when you get the urge to check in on your BF? Like, make a cup of tea or something?

In response to: Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Cinderella83Contributor11 Aug 2022, 4:51 pm AEST

Re: Constant monitoring of bf

Thank you. I never thought of ways to wake up the senses. I will try a hot chocolate and a shower later. Thank you 🙂

Yes I really want to try distraction as you suggested. Today I distracted myself with YouTube videos and music. I'd also like to get into a brand new hobby. Unfortunately I'm feeling too down to really enjoy much lately. Even movies etc I can't get through. I will try though! It has to get me somewhere eventually.

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