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It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

chibamSenior Contributor09 Aug 2022, 7:59 pm AEST

It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

So today I got a letter from a big name charity. No big surprises, they wanted money. It's the second time in about two or three weeks I've gotten a letter of this nature from these same people.

I just gave them some money at the end of the financial year (in part because they'd been sending me phone calls and emails that guilt-tripped me into making another donation, as I have in years before). And yeah, they send you a "thank you" letter attached to the receipt they send. But why can't they just be grateful for the fact that I gave them something? I can't help but see something predatory about the way I'm being treated right now. I gave them a bit of charity; they smelled blood in the water, and now their gonna push their luck with me for every last plumb dollar they can get.

I'm not so much upset about the money; I'm upset about this feeling I have that yet another group just want to exploit me.

Those of you who have known me for a while on these forums may remember that exploitation is a real sore point with my past. For years, I played along with a group of so-called "friends" who were just exploiting my generous nature and my desparation; and that ordeal destroyed my faith in humanity to a degree I can't put into words.

And those issues are tangled up with the frequent snarky suggestions I've had to weather in my life that I don't do enough for others; that I'm a drain on society and/or the people around me.

I've always sought to enter into that mythical societal economy where you do things for others, and they do things for you. If I could get there, then hopefully I could finally get the help I've always needed. But thus far in life, absolutely none of my efforts to appease the world around me have ever been repaid. I just end up with people pounding on the door demanding "more! more! more!" I just end up feeling used and exploited.

I think that the reason I'm feeling so weary about this is that the charity in question never used to send me any messages trying to guilt-trip more money out of me. Other charities used to do that, and I'd cut them off for many years, so as not to encourage that behavior; but I always felt that this mob were classier then that. Not so, anymore, it seems.

I don't think I'll send them anything next year. I know they do good work, and I know there are tonnes of people out there with horrible lives, who can genuinely benefit from money much more then I ever could. But I'm just sick to death of feeling like I'm being taken advantage of.

4 replies

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In response to: It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

Unknown userMember09 Aug 2022, 8:54 pm AEST

Re: It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

That’s fine to feel that way @chibam given the circumstances. I feel when people know your loving, caring and compassionate they see it as a weakness re friends. When it comes to the charities they’re just fishing. You don’t have to give them anything you don’t want to.

now my situation being loving, caring and compassionate is that the snakes shed their skins after about 5 years thinking I won’t notice, or simply they don’t care that’s the truth. Life’s unfair that’s the point in my life I’ve reached. Now since I haven’t changed I’m just wondering am I going to learn from these experiences or not.

I’ve had like 3 groups of friends and after, you guessed it the 5 year mark they change. Society makes em that way I presume, maybe they’re in it for themselves. I’ve had friends that make me feel a million dollars then they become sociopaths, narcissists, manipulators and control freaks.

still I push forward hoping to clique with the right people with the lessons I’ve learnt. Given my mental health issues and my struggle I’m thinking I need to set boundaries for myself to prevent just accepting anyone into my life.

not everyone is the same and everyone is different so your bound to run into different people who don’t know they are doing any different, but I still think there are good people out there, but are they for me? I don’t know cause I’m pretty happy on my own these days, no dramas.

saying that I’m working and playing team sports… but I just guess how long I can seem normal to these people before they change on me… still figuring things out and learning. I also feel used and abused but trying to stay positively optimistic, though it may make me loopy… happy to team up and take them all on lol

In response to: It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

HistoryloverSenior Contributor10 Aug 2022, 7:06 am AEST

Re: It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

@chibam, re: "I just gave them some money at the end of the financial year (in part because they'd been sending me phone calls and emails that guilt-tripped me into making another donation, as I have in years before). And yeah, they send you a "thank you" letter attached to the receipt they send".

It's called 'getting a foot in the door', @chibam. It's a well-used tactic. You must be very peeved about it to be writing. I would be too. I hope it helped to let off steam, but probably not.

Anyone who has seen your true character knows that you're a super and thoughtful fellow. They–those who criticize you–just aren't worthy of you.

Not feeling great here so just sending acknowledgement and best wishes. I hope you doing alright otherwise. Cheers,😊.

In response to: Re: It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

chibamSenior Contributor10 Aug 2022, 4:18 pm AEST

Re: It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

@Historylover wrote:
Not feeling great here so just sending acknowledgement and best wishes. I hope you doing alright otherwise. Cheers,😊.

Sorry to hear that, @Historylover . I hope your feeling better now?

@Historylover wrote:
You must be very peeved about it to be writing. I would be too. I hope it helped to let off steam, but probably not.

The issue here, isn't the conduct of the charity, @Historylover , and I know it. I believe them to be very benevolent people, and they are just trying to the best they can for the poor souls they help, and mining that much-needed money the best way they know how. I suspect that someone in their heirarchy has indeed sat down to deliberate the ethics of guilting people into donating, and decided that the ends justify the means.

The real issue is my own confusion and discomfort about what's fair; where the line is, re: being taken advantage of by others; and why good carma never seems to come back at me, even though I do try to be a positive asset to this world.

That's what I was really ranting about; my own sense of being lost. But when your nursing a woe like that 24/7, little things - such as a letter from a charity - can make you feel really raw, you know?

In response to: Re: It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

HistoryloverSenior Contributor10 Aug 2022, 5:28 pm AEST

Re: It sucks when people only come to you when they want something.

@chibam, re "That's what I was really ranting about; my own sense of being lost. But when your nursing a woe like that 24/7, little things - such as a letter from a charity - can make you feel really raw, you know?"

I know, @chibam, I know. Take care.

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