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going backwards

SCORPIONSenior Contributor09 July 2022, 2:05 pm AEST

going backwards

For weeks i had been doing so well for a little while almost felt like i was almost whole.

But no i have found the bottom again feel i have no purpose or even need to be in this world today so much pain in my head. feel such a sadness at just being cant even find words to suit but i shouldn't be in this state, my loving wife near by a dog that adorers me. All i want to do is close my eyes and stop existing no more pain no more fears no more regrets no more failing.I want to sleep but even with meds to many "dreams" bad bad ones. I was hoping putting in words how i am feeling might help but now i feel worse.

7 replies

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In response to: going backwards

Unknown userMember09 July 2022, 2:12 pm AEST

Re: going backwards

Hey there @SCORPION

Im so sorry to hear how painful and hopeless today feels 💛 I'm going to send you an email to check in with you, so please keep an eye out.

In response to: going backwards

BowSenior Contributor09 July 2022, 3:08 pm AEST

Re: going backwards

Hey @SCORPION truly hope that you are as ok as you can be given how you are feeling. Sounds pretty rough.
Sometimes it’s helpful to write it all down, get it out of our heads, but then sometimes it’s like ‘oh crap things are really that bad’. Hope your wife is able to provide some support to you today.

🎀

In response to: going backwards

HistoryloverSenior Contributor09 July 2022, 5:46 pm AEST

Re: going backwards

That's tough, @SCORPION. You've been doing well, and you will be again. This will pass and you will get a better perspective when your mood lifts again. Just be kind to yourself for now. Sending best wishes.

In response to: going backwards

DimitySenior Contributor09 July 2022, 8:58 pm AEST

Re: going backwards

Just wanted to say I hope you're warm and safe tonight @SCORPION . Sometimes it's a seasonal thing, to feel worse when it's wintry and night falls early. It's great you've had some good weeks - I hope you had some artwork successes and creative flow.

Thinking of you. Take care,

Dimity

In response to: going backwards

BPDSurvivorSenior Contributor09 July 2022, 10:09 pm AEST

Re: going backwards

Hi @SCORPION ,

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch.

Your post about having bad bad dreams reminds me of something my psychologist once questioned me about: “What happens when you think about not thinking about something? You end up thinking about it more.”

Then it clicked. The more I dreaded something, the more dread I felt.

Hence, we began working on changing these thoughts. Each time a unhelpful thought came, I’d “block” it with something funny. I kept using this same blocker. Even today, this ‘blocker’ still works. So soon as my mind spirals into negativity, I use the ‘blocker’ to divert the thought to another route.

And that’s how I learnt to manage the really dark thoughts and spaces in my life.

Im not even sure if I’m making sense, or explaining this correctly.

You are not alone @SCORPION

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: going backwards

ClawdeSenior Contributor10 July 2022, 5:28 pm AEST

Re: going backwards

awesome note and feedback, grew my sole , thank you so much, feeling so much better, great topic love this web site and informative content, and topics 👏👏👏👏👏

In response to: going backwards

confused_nomadContributor10 July 2022, 11:53 pm AEST

Re: going backwards

to hear that, I've had a similar experience recently and I know it sucks. I guess all you can do is keep hanging in there and know that what goes down must eventually come back up again. Take things one day at a time and reach out to people. hope you start to feel better soon.

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