LostAngelSenior Contributor
Back after a long Absence,Life is Filled with Longing and Bellonging
Hello everyone this is Lost Angel I felt the need to write Life is filled with longing and Bellonging,I felt myself crying tonight and also thoughts of Anger as Ive reflected on the fact I still miss and had once loved a Brutal man this man last year I met I wont go into too many details but it was traumatic to survive, Im not a victum, Im a survivor of his Abuse, his Actions and His Words,I needed somewhere to write or type so sorry if this is Jumbled,I guess you could say Im still trying to heal,there are symptoms of PTSD and I think about him more than Im willing to admit to anyone I know,strange how thoughts,fears and emotions bombard you when your not prepared in terms of being emotional, well more like a sadness these last few days,Ive self isolated alot to do with how I feel, theres a part of me that wishes things had been different but even if they had been I guess things still would of ended the same way or worse if I hadnt have left when I did thats how bad he became in the end although on the surface he appeared calm behind that was a very nasty side that only I saw and felt,Ive been trying to use mindfullness apps and lighting candles as a way to still deal with it ,so many thoughts thoughts about missing my late father,thoughts about all different aspects of what happend and the repucussions since,in terms of my mental health as Im still waiting on Councilling,its one of of those traumas you have to manage or try to heal from but at the same time you can feel stuck or trapped in your mind while outwardly appearing fine to evryone,its something you carry with you,in terms of memories both the once good memories you thought you had with him and mixed with the really nasty facts and things he would often say to you the put downs ect ,I went for a drive today,Ill go for another drive tomorow,its a kind of grief, I hope that one day I meet the right man who will treat me with respect and dignity, he stole my dignity and privacy from me, I hope to be a mother one day to have many children of my own, I long to be a mother one day
