florencefiftySenior Contributor
You can't change the past...
A lot of counselling involves thinking about the same thing in a different way. But it's easier said than done.
For example, I'm going to try to finish a book I'm reading in one go tonight, and I thought of reading the relationships in the book as they are, and not trying to compare them to my own life. It's a commentary on the character, it's not necessarily a commentary on how the reader's life is going.
Sometimes, though, it's missing the point. For example, a lot of counsellors would say that it's not helpful to focus on the past, it's best to think about the future... but the past influences the future. And it can be a reliable indicator of the future.
The only time I fell in love, it paralysed me for three years, four months and counting. In that time, no-one's been interested in even being my friend, despite the "good impression" I make on the people around me. Is it going to be this hard every time? Am I flawed in some horrible way that I'm not seeing?
Can you explain why it hasn't worked out for me? No psychologist can explain it, and I can't explain it. But for some reason, I'm supposed to have faith that it'll be fine?
I know I'm deserving. I know I have a big heart, and a good sense of humour, and a great energy. But I can have all those things until the sun goes down, I'm still going to be single. So positive thinking doesn't really change anything, does it?
It feels like whatever you say, or whatever my professionals say, I'll have an answer to it. There's not much I haven't heard before. And none of it can change the past.
