My boyfriend has bipolar 2 and I'm severely triggered not coping

Hi there @MelissaLucy

Welcome to the forums and it's great that you've reached out to seek support! I hope you find lots of comfort here in finding others who may be in a similar situation.

I'm so sorry to hear about how things are going with your boyfriend. Does he have a treating doctor? Perhaps you could suggest (gently) making an appt and offering to go along with him for support.

There is a great organisation called Carer's Gateway that may be a good support for you also. Here is their website.

I also wanted to check that you feel safe around him? I'll give you this number to contact if at any time you start to feel unsafe https://www.1800respect.org.au/

Sending hugs

hanami 💮

Thanks hanami for your reply yes he is being managed by his psych and on medication but he needs to talk to someone other than me. He isn't very aware of his cues before an episode starts and by the time he does we are in a full blown episode and I cannot get through to him nor be around him because he pushes me away and all we do is argue. I want to be a supportive and caring partner and learn how to best support him without making him feel like he is my child.

It must be so hard for you. Hopefully some others might know how you can best support and help him.

Thinking of you

hanami 💮

Hey there @MelissaLucy, welcome to the forums! Thank you so much for sharing what you're going through, hopefully we can give you some support here ❤️

It certainly sounds like a roller-coaster. It sounds like you've been doing so much support of your partner for a while now. I know how difficult this can be, but your determination to keep learning shows how much you care for him ❤️

How have you been coping with all of these outbursts so far?

There are some additional resources I just found which make a good addition to Hanamis!

• this SANE guide is a useful starting point and so is this one
• Here are a lot of our posts about caring for a partner

Also, it sounds like there are particular challenges when your partner is triggered and usual communication methods don't work? This is long, but a really great guide from Mental Health First Aid on caring for a someone. Maybe you two could work through parts of this together to create a plan for what to do when you identify a trigger, during an episode and what to do afterwards?

Sending the biggest of virtual hugs,

TuxedoCat

Thanks so much for your reply @Former-Member and the reference guides I will read them. I'm struggling with the outbursts because sometimes I bite back and I know I shouldn't because alot of it he cannot help. I'm learning to give him space and do it when he says he needs space and let him come back when he is ready. But this last episode hasn't gone so well. Im really upset with myself for not listening to him and just backing off. He says I want to help too much and he doesn't want that.

Hi @MelissaLucy,

I'm sorry to read you are going through such a rough time. I get how you feel because I am a support person for a close family member who has bipolar I (diagnosed many years ago) so I know (and understand) about the fluctuating moods and the rollercoaster of depression you write about.

I am also pretty much the only support person my family member has (outside his professional team) and I get how exhausting it is. It can be really challenging sometimes to be their constant calm in their storm when you are worn out.

I would really encourage you to realise that you to need support. Being a support person to anyone can be a lonely and exhausting experience and it is important that you practice self care, boundaries and support too. I remember when my family member's psychiatrist asked me about who was supporting me and I was taken aback - at that stage I was so busy supporting my family member I didn't realise that I needed support to.

I have added this link https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/families-friends-carers which I hope may help you.

I can see from what you have written that you really love your boyfriend and you sound like a really supportive partner - it sounds like he is very lucky to have you. As much as you are taking care of your boyfriend (which is great) please remember you need to be taken care of to.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

Thanks so much for your reply @FloatingFeather you get it it's so nice to not feel alone in this just having anyone understand means so much I have reached out to someone in his family I know he will listen to when he shuts off from me and that has given so much relief. I'm booked in with my own psych to get my own support and just riding out this wave and hopefully he comes back when he is feeling better. It's bitter-sweet because I wish there was more I could do to help him out of this hole he is in but he has to do it in his own time and hopefully with the few of us closest to him we can bring back to better days. Thank you so much for the information link I'm learning so much and glad I am so I can understand him better.

So glad @MelissaLucy I could be a little bit of support. Yes, a lot of what you said and expressed made complete sense to me because I've lived it too.

It is great to read there is another person in your boyfriend's family that you can reach out to so you aren't alone in this - that would be such a relief. I'm really glad to read that you have booked in to see someone for yourself too - that is a great plan and I think that will help you a lot.

You are right with what you say at the end of the day, no matter how much we want to help, fix, take care of etc our loved one there is only a limit to what we can do. I think when I learned that for myself it helped take away a sense of guilt that sat with me for a long time. You can only do so much, be so much, help so much. I like the idea of the oxygen mask on the plane - e.g. you have to put the oxygen on yourself first before you can help anyone else.

Take care of yourself, and please let us know how you are getting on when you can.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather