Fear of judgement & failure

Oh @Shasan I could have written this!

Some years ago I was in a similar position and your feelings were just like mine. I have no amazing advice but I do want to say that I think you're awesome and deserve all of the good that will come out of your new venture. I'M excited for you! I know I know, it's the people you know you worry about most. That's me too! I think it just means that you have the need to be thought of in high regard by those who are close to you.

I hope some others can chime in and offer some wiser words than I have but I just want to say, go you, you've got this 😍

many hugs

hanami 💮

@hanami Aw!! That was so great to read, thank you so much.

Wow, I love hearing that need. It feels very much accurate and has a sense of closure - most times I'm ok with what's happening but I'm trying to figure out what it is and why it's happening. So there's like the thing and the analysis of that thing. So draining.

It's very vulnerable to acknowledge that I have that need 😞 but it's real and it's there. This allows me to accept it and know that not everyone might hold me in high regard. Looks like one of my people pleasing patterns too of seeking approval and validation especially from those who haven't believed in me or aren't that compatible.

I hate that I care about what such people think of me. I don't want to. Logically I'm ok that we're not compatible. But I don't know why my heart simply can't move on :((

Thanks so much for sharing.

oh wow @Shasan what big feelings! It's totally understandable that you're feeling this way. As you said, you've worked so hard to get here! So much determination and talent ❤️ And knowing you want support and sharing your needs with us at the forum is a real show of strength ❤️

I'm hearing that you're scared of what people might think and I see you're trying to care less about that. WOW, that is soooo powerful and means you can be true to yourself ❤️ . I often get in the same, self-conscious thought pattern when I'm about to show off some creative things. Something I do when that happens is really focus on what I like about what I'm doing and why I love it. Maybe this would be good for you also?

And you said you have friends and family who are supportive, I bet they said the most wonderful things about you and your business. Is there a way you can use what they've said to help you?

Sending the biggest of virtual hugs,

TuxedoCat

Greetings

The replies are so insightful and informative

goodness I am so fortunate to have read these replies they are so kind and respectful

thank you so very much

Thank you @Former-Member @Gwynn @hanami

I'm touched by your kindness and I'm so grateful I have someone supporting me to look at this situation with a different perspective.

Very well said and it definitely helps!!

I'm probably experiencing a wave of depression because even though I understand all this, I'm still not able to shake off that blue, gloomy feeling.

I just stepped outside and feel a little bit better. Your words @Gwynn about what my younger and older self would've wanted to do is a profound reminder of making the most out of the present. The answer to both those questions within me are one of pride and courage and overcoming obstacles. Thank you for lighting a gentle fire in my belly 🙂🙏🏽

It's given me incredible insight into the "why" I'm doing this as highlighted by @Former-Member - It's for the little girl in me to prove to her that she shall rise, no matter what! To the older me, to reassure that I've lived my life in an authentic way, even when it was bloody hard and against the tide to do so!!

I don't know how to thank you all 😢 I'm forever in debt to you.

Heartfelt gratitude

such beautiful words @Shasan. They've brought a little tear to my eye. Thank you so much for sharing them ❤️

You've got this, we believe in you. And I know others are finding strength in your honesty around this too

Big hugs,

TuxedoCat

and @Mellymead I feel like that too! Very grateful ❤️

Hi @Shasan very interesting! As someone who has lived all my life with the belief that I will fail I can relate.

I think the best you can do sometimes is thinking through all the identifiable outcomes and the (my approach) systematically eliminating all possible areas of where things can go wrong. In doing so my confidence can be picked up from the floor and I kind of have the courage to proceed.

But the fear of failure never leaves me. In the end sometimes just acknowledging you are afraid (letter to yourself to put away somewhere?) is the only thing that might help. I’m sure you’re all over it though…

Hello @Shasan

I'm very new here but can so relate to your experience and feelings. I launched a website and the social media pages that went with it… such a vulnerable and frightening experience. For me, no matter what support I had, I still felt alone in making the final decision to start and ‘launch myself’ out there and consumed by overwhelm and anxiety.

I have two things to offer by way of advice ~

Give yourself compassion for taking this step like never before, get some statements/mantras and put them where you see them a lot and say them to yourself. Mean them! Feel like you’re telling your fearful child inside that you can do this and get through and be proud of the quality work you’ve done ! Maybe there are symbols or drawings that you can imagine representing self compassion that you could spend time on and display. Immerse yourself in this.

Which brings me to my next point, the vulnerability of having your stuff out there for others to judge. Not easy at all…after the initial fear of judgment etc. those feelings will settle with time. But keep limits on reading/answering comments or checking data etc so it doesn’t take over your time and keep up or begin a gratitude list to focus on the good things. Keep your mind in your side!

All the very best

Cynthea