chibamSenior Contributor
Seriously - How Do People End Up With The Essentials Of A Good Life?
Part of me wanted to ask this question in the Schizophrenia Awareness Week CONNECTING WITH HOPE thread elsewhere in the forum, but I didn't want to hijack a thread intended for schizophrenics to share their stories with something that is more focussed on my own woes, which don't have anything to do with schizophrenia.
Besides, this question is really relevant to any and all who have the deck stacked against them in terms of social stigmata.
Of course, I've always been (reasonably) aware of how heavily stacked the deck is against schizophrenics, but even before reading that thread, I had heard several stories of them attaining surprisingly good lives; including marriages and decent career success, such as a professorship.
And knowing how unfavorable the broad social perceptions are towards them, I just don't get how that works. I mean, how does a schizophrenic person end up in a good relationship? I just can't envision two women chatting in a cafe, with one saying: "I totally want to set you up with my neighbor Justin! He's awesome! He's got schizophrenia!" Nor can I see her setting her friend up with Justin, without disclosing Justin's schizophrenia.
Maybe I've just gone my whole life being stuck in the dregs of the human compassion spectrum without even knowing it. But in my experiance, the world isn't that kind. There are plenty of people who preach/virtue-signal messages of compassion, tollerance and acceptance from their podiums and iPhones. But the real world tends to turn it's nose up at people who it percieves as being "wrong" or "broken" in any noticeable way. There's this unspoken understanding that such "abnormals" aren't deserving of essentials such as love or career fulfillment.
Which leads me in to my own confounding mystery of how people who have decks that were stacked far more against them then my own are able to end up with lives that are so much better then my own? How do they end up with partners/spouses, families, and decent jobs that they genuinely enjoy, when the odds are stacked so badly against them? I find that when I read their stories, it often appears to occur simply by magic. Like an epilogue, they list off the fixtures of their good lives at the end of their stories, but there's no details whatsoever on how these things actually manifested.
I guess I can understand that, because it's usually quite personal stuff that they mightn't feel comfortable in sharing. But I'm still stuck with those mysteries gnawing away at me. Would understanding their good fortune help me to replicate it in my own life?
In many ways, my own poor situation is understandable. I am a member of a couple of groups that are commonly descriminated against. But even within those groups, I know that there are numerous people who have done much better then me. So I remain mystified. I tend to chalk it up to the fact that I've had very few truly compassionate, helpful people in my life. But I just can't help but feel like there should be some sort of secondary failsafe; another safety net to catch the people in crisis when their family/acquaintances let them down. I used to naievely assume that that failsafe was the mental health system, but it turns out it isn't.
If such a failsafe does exist, I've never struck it.
