Tracey4New Contributor
Bipolar Disorder
Hi,
New to this forum and feeling very alone. My son who is now 30 has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for 5 years now. He uses alcohol to ‘escape’ and can become suicidal and psychotic when drinking although he says it allows him to express his feelings. He tells me (and only me) that anger lives with him 24/7 and that he always feels what he describes as sad and lonely. He is medicated but says the meds don’t help but make him feel numb. He tells me when drinking that he always wants to take his life but hides it from others. He goes to work and goes through the motions for his 2yo little girl who he adores but feels like he’s living a fake life. We have been through detox and many mental health professionals over the years but here we are. He says I’m his best friend. I’m feeling unable to help him and at a loss as to what to do. He goes from very calm talking about how he should just get it over with (suicide) to so so angry in one sentence and I can see him fighting himself so hard for control because he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me. He can be aggressive and scary at times. When I read up on bipolar it mentions episodes over and over. He says he’s extremely sad all of the time. The only ‘episodes’ I notice are the psychotic ones, when he’s drinking and loses control and wants to end his life. The ‘chatter’ in his head he says is all of the time. It breaks my heart that he lives like this. He is such a caring beautiful boy
