Covert narcisism maybe hopefully not.

So Im on here hopefully not a narcisist. My story will be short and obviously the detail are so many I cant contribute all the details. I feel my wife is a narcisist. 14 months ago she left the family of 4 boys and a girl. Said no we tried coucelling it didnt work. We had one session in 2003 so 17 years previouse. I need to I would blow my top alot verbally abusive. But I felt like I was alaways yled at and yelled at and when I would finally explode I was the abuser. I was working away and my wife was at a psychologist I didnt know. She statted taking anti depressants. I didnt know but I did notice a blank empty look and basically a totally ignorant way about her during the time she since told me she started taking them. I had spent the last 5 years or so really working on my anger. Just genuinly letting go of any thing it wasnt worth it. This is my oppinion so heck I could just be making myself look like the hero here. I truly love my wife I truly miss her so do my kids.

Long story short all of a sudden I have been told I would let her have a bank account I would let her see her friends and I am controlling a master manipulator. Also I am toxic. I have been called a narcisist. I never supported her. I feel these things are so wrong. But i do not challenge her because I feel it is not worth the vengful nature. I have done 5 diferant online NPD test yes I know Dr Google. But i dont realy have much finance as I pay for my kids every thing with no financial support I do ok though it isnt easy especially since starting to smoke again. I have read every thing for answers including 6 stages of midlife crisis. I have not approached her family at all or any of her new friends. I have begged her to reconcider. This has turned her into a monster. I have no idea what to do. My kids need her and she has asked all of them to stay with her at times in a 2 bed flat. The kids did not wish to go too far from school and flat is too small for them. This has made her say things like I have turned them against her. Manipulated her. I supported her through 2 operations 3 diplomas 2 cert 4s and she finally got a job helping us to finally get out of finacial struggle. We shared bank accounts and most bills i organised to direct debit automatically. I feel I am being made to look like a controlling person and I admit I did put my foot down to something as she also did with me. We would have family meetings on holidays or buying things I would ask her if I could buy things she would ask me. I am at a loss. The story is so long and complicated that it needs a 1000 pages of details. I am not a narcisist I am being treated like one. I am devistated especially now I see my kids hurt or miss out or not recieve a phone call or text at easter. Or she refuses to come to his birthday party. I feel there is no way to talk to her unless I am agree to her current demands. I am not perfect at all. I truly wish I had have controlled my anger over the years Its funny though sijce she has left we as a family seems to be so much less argumentive. And we can do so much more. More laughs. Yes I could be painting a pretty picture to make myself look heroic. I love my kids I love my wife. But she says she never did love me needs to find herself. Im too controlling and smiled as she said nah I wont be back.