At A Loss

Afternoon @sunrise2 and welcome to the forums 😊

It sounds like things have been really tough at home, and that you are under a fair amount of pressure caring for your granddaughter. I firstly just want to say that no matter how much we love and care for our family members, you should never have to experience verbal or physical abuse as a carer. You mention that your granddaughter seems to have the physical abuse under control for now, but I'd like to check-in with you and ensure that you feel safe?

It really does sound like an awful lot to be navigating, and as you're right to acknowledge, as someone who has their own health issues this sounds like it might be particularly difficult for you. One thing I can suggest is that you take a look at the SANE counselling service options here. The services are free, anonymous and our counsellors are trained to provide you with any support or referrals you may need.

Has your granddaughter been able to get the professional support she needs? You mentioned that she is currently medicated, however I'm wondering whether she is in touch with a psychologist or psychiatrist who can support her and provide a treatment plan in conjunction with her medication.

Most of all, I'd really like to convey that the care and support you provide your granddaughter is evident in your post, and that we're here to provide any support you may need along side her 💜

Rhye ☘️

Thank you Rhye. Yes she has seen a psychiatrist and a psychologist. She seemed to be on the right track and she wanted to discontinue and just take the medications under the supervision of our GP which seemed to work well. She is now demanding she sees someone again and I am trying but the waiting lists are so long. Maybe if she tried somewhere online might help. I am a bit restricted where I drive nowadays and need to find someone close which can narrow the field. I am not giving up on her as she does have some fine qualities. I am safe as far as the physical abuse. I dont get things things thrown at me any more. I think the medication might have a somewhat calming affect. I have never had to deal with mental problems. I have learned a lot over these past few years and there are periods of calm and then the problems come back. Sometimes I feel she overdramatises a situation and then I am left with these terrible feelings of guilt for having thought that. I do intend to contact the SANE counselling service for guidance. Life is not always easy and the generation gap between us is so wide

Hi @sunrise2

Welcome to the forums💜

Thankyou for taking the time to reach out & share part of what is going on for you.

After reading your post, I can sympathize with your situation. It sounds as though you are a beautiful & caring grandmother. It made feel sad to read how you and your granddaughter are struggling.

I can also sympathise with your granddaughters perspective. What an unimaginable difficulty you and her have gone through. It came to mind, whilst I was reading that she is probably experiencing fear and confusion for her future, and possibly taking it out on you - the person closest to her.

I love that the first thing @Former-Member mentioned was to not accept abuse, despite the very difficult circumstances. I know in my situation, it is sometimes easier to make allowances for mistreatment when we know our loved one is very unwell. For me, during these times is when I most need reminding of boundaries, & when they are most important to sustain relationships. I do let things slide though, I think it is human nature - and possibly also a case of 'choosing your battles.' However, I am almost half your age🙂 You shouldn't have to deal with same stress.

Regarding looking for psych help. I am going through something similar & aware of extreme waiting times at the moment. 6-12 months in many cases. I agree that telehealth may be best option. I also am limited in my driving. My GP suggested to call places personally. I think some places may even have 'urgent appointments' especially reserved.

I found this website helpful for psychiatrist if that is something you need.

https://www.yourhealthinmind.org/find-a-psychiatrist

You can filter results by telehealth or urgent etc.

I'm not sure if it is helpful. Perhaps, some type of counseling would be preferable (& affordable! 🙂)

I hope you and your granddaughter can find some direction & strength. 💜

I feel a little light hearted just knowing that there are people out there who care. It makes the journey I am on a little less lonely. I know eventually my granddaughter will work through her problems. I know it is not easy for her. Life has dealt her a very heavy hand. She was only 5 when her mother (my daughter) died from an epileptic seizure during the night. She was beside her in the bed and tried to wake her in the morning. What a terrible burden for one so young to have to carry. I just need to get her to a point beyond the teenage years where she she will hopefully be mature enough to try to make sense of it all. I just pray that God will give me enough years to see her reach that point in her life.

Maddison your words touched a part of my soul and i cried today like I havent cried in a while. It made me realise more clearly that everybody is carrying a cross of some sort. Life can be hard and it is not always fair but it is still beautiful. It just takes strength to see that sometimes. I can relate to your comment on human nature and choosing your battles.

I will follow up on the links you have suggested, Thank you so much

I'm learning to believe that more people care than we realise @sunrise2 @Former-Member

Thankyou for taking time to share how support lightened your load. I have experienced the same on this forum! Many kind & beautiful people here. And you are right, it is kind of humbling when you realise how each of us carry our own cross. Some lighter than others. Sharing seems give different perspective.

The story you describe is harrowing. I cannot give you any advice! I only know from what I read, it's really everything you can do. Support her, instill confidence, strength & love in her.

I agree too, that life is still beautiful 😊

Hello @sunrise2

It has been a while since we last interacted. I wanted to reach out & see how things were going for you? I'm also very grateful for the heartfelt response you gave me a couple of months ago. It meant so much. I won't forget it.

How is your granddaughter? Were you able to access any supports that could provide any relief to you both?

I hope you & her are well. It has been such a stressful time in the world these last few years. I am noticing many people are simply exhausted - I have had some difficult times myself. Your granddaughter is also at an age where she is no longer a child & in looking back at my own teenage years, it was a confusing & scary time.

It must be quite a heavy load for you at times. I have found that we become accustomed to our own hardships, that doesn't mean it is not challenging. Places & moments of calm are everything!

If you feel like replying, that is great! If not, that is fine also.

Kind regards, maddison

Hello Maddison.

How lovely to hear from you. It seems ages but in fact it is just a few short weeks but what a few short weeks they have been. So much seems to have happened.

I have had a rather frightening episode when I literally could not walk. I lost all my mobility. I am happy to say that things have been improving and I am able to walk again albeit very slowly. However as with a lot of things that seem to have happened I really believe that this was meant to be as it has really drawn my granddaughter and I more close. There is always a purpose even though we dont always see it. I think once again in her life she has had to face up to the fact that I am ageing and wont always be around. She really showed her true self taking on responsibility for things no 16 year old should have to do. Thankfully I taught her how to cook and clean although Ubereats has had a lot of business from us. She did speak with a psychologist online. Those discussions were private but whatever it was they discussed has made a difference. I pray it will continue. She has started to become more open about her feelings. I have found if I just listen only making an occasional comment she opens up more and I am learning so much. I hate to see her struggling.

You are right when you said this time in her life is confusing when she really is trying to work out her future. Not yet an adult and yet more than a child. It is so different to my own teenage years although I probably went through the same doubts and uncertainties. Time can sometimes paint a different picture. I am sure she will get there eventually and find her own niche in the world. Still a way to go but each day is one day closer. We just have to keep holding fast to our faith.

I hope things in your life are working. You seem to have struggles too. Life can be so hard sometimes but the little victories we have make it all worth while.

I am so happy you have thought to make contact with me again. Your kindness is more appreciated than you know