Dealing with difficult parents/family right now

Hi Everyone,

I don't get along with my parents very well unless I listen to their rules and obey them. I've been struggling with this issue for many many years and it is one of the reasons why my mental health is bad where I've had psychosis, mental breakdown and arguments that triggered me with my parents. I'm 33 years old and I hate that they dont like me hanging around a girl as a friend because I have a pretty religious Islamic background and my parents would prefer I get intimate with a woman when I get married. Which I disagree and had many instances with women without telling my parents about my personal life.

As I've said in my previous posts I don't like to follow my religion and I quite hate how the religion restricts myself, puts me in a cage and prevents me from living my life properly.

Right now my parents are being quiet with me and I'm afraid they me trigger me into having an argument with them. I tried being assertive but what's the point of me doing it when my parents don't do that especially my dad who's aggressive and talks loud when he tries to start a conversation with me.

I hate how they're only talkative to me when I listen to them as they want me to get an I.T. job again where I hate because I dont like the work environment and I dont enjoy it. Its funny because they tell me I dont need to do an I.T job then do they persistently advise to get a job there and care about what others might think. It affects me negatively because I get confused on who to talk to and get advice and go back to my old thinking habits where I'm listening and following them.

I wish I could live on my own right now but I'm low on money, dont have a consistent job at the moment. I also fear of being lonely and having suicide thoughts again which I do from time to time when I'm surrounded by negative energy in my household. I also eat excessively because my parents are frustrating and I believe they are the problem why I have so many issues in my life right now.